


Walk Through Fire

by pradatrash



Series: girls like you [2]
Category: Gymnastics RPF
Genre: F/F, Raistafina - Relationship - Freeform, raistafina
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-22 16:30:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 23,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8292451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pradatrash/pseuds/pradatrash
Summary: Time has passed since the Rio Olympics and a new chapter of Aly and Aliya’s life has begun together, but the complications are only beginning. Aly's known her heart has belonged to Aliya since she was thirteen years old and now will fight her last battle to get her to stay.





	1. Prologue: Baby, It's All Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone! I'm so excited to bring the sequel of Stay to life. I decided to add these into a series, hopefully I'll be able to post one-shots and deleted chapters under this series so stay tuned. 
> 
> I was overwhelmed with the support Stay got, so this sequel is my love letter to all of you.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy, and accept my apologies in advance for what's about to unfold here !
> 
> xx Anna

_Yeah, I know it's hard to remember,_  
_the people we used to be_

—

 

_“Hi! You’ve reached the home of Aly Raisman and Aliya Mustafina. We’re not home right now so please leave a message and we’ll get right back to you, thanks!”_

_Beeeeeeep!_

“Hey, it’s Simone! I got back from Texas yesterday, I came around to see if anyone was here. My trip was okay, longer than usual but I slept most of the ride...I finally watched Pitch Perfect 2 on the plane—it was really good! Anyways, where are you guys?”

 

—

 

_ Her heart is raging in her ears so loud she can’t hear anything going on in her surroundings, even as she crashes into various tables and walls the only thing ringing in her head is the rapid beat.  _

_Her vision is going in and out of being blurry, she also swears she’s tripped over the same object twice but she’s probably just going insane, that would be a much better excuse than the reality she’s in right now._

_She hears a crash upstairs as her hands find the railing of the stairwell, her body forcing her legs to sprint up the steps. She stumbles on the landing as Aliya rushes past her into their bedroom, lugging suitcases and various items, some falling out of her full arms._

_“Aliya! Aliya, look at me and just stop, please...!”_

_Gibson barks worriedly next to her when she trips over the assemblage of clothes and objects littering their bedroom floor, Aliya in the center of the room stuffing various items into her bags._

_Her breathing is ragged and the tears falling freely from her cheeks are obscuring her vision to properly handle the articles of clothing she’s stuffing into her suitcase but she doesn’t have time to stop and take a breath._

_“You can’t leave, I won't let you!”_

_Aly can’t stop the shaking of her hands, her eyes scan the room that’s now in complete array but she can’t get her body to move towards Aliya. Her body feels numb, her lungs are heavy in her throat and her heart is beating so wildly she feels as if she might die any second._

_She hears the zipper of one of Aliya’s suitcases and finally fines the strength to surge forward onto the carpet next to Aliya, her hands frantically trying to tear the clothes and bags away from her Aliya’s shaking form._

_“Aly, please, just let me go!”_

_She doesn’t feel Aliya shoving her away from her things because her entire body is numb, she doesn't feel a thing until her back meets the end of their bed with a thud and she’s left trying to scramble to her feet, almost tripping over a clothes hanger._

 

—

 

“I wanted to call and check in…haven’t heard from either of you in a while…”

Simone twirls her umbrella between her fingers as her voice trails off and her eyes move to look up at the large Malibu house. She shifts her phone pressed to her ear with a small sigh. There was no car in the driveway at the moment. The house lights weren’t on either, and it doesn’t look like anyone had been home for a long time.

She shuffles to the gate off to the side of the drive and glances beyond it to the yard but sees no sign of anyone out there either. Her eyes settle on the pool a few feet away which is filled with a few floating devices, but otherwise it just sits there quietly, rippling with raindrops that fall every now and then.

She sighs heavily, her fingers still resting on the gate contemplating whether to walk through or not. This was the third time this week she had visited the house and still no one.

Simone doesn’t even hear the sound of Gibson barking at the door which is surprising because that little dog knows whenever she was even within a mile of the house.

 

—

 

_ “Aliya just stop for a fucking second—!” _

_Aly clumsily makes her way down the stairs following Aliya racing through the hallway, dragging her things behind her. She tries to scrape her hands on the walls for support but Aliya is so fast she finds herself tripping over nothing trying to keep up with her._

_“ALIYA!” She screams in anger and frustration, reaching out to grab the end of Aliya’s suitcase, pulling it back with such desperation it catches Aliya off guard and the grip flies from her hand._

_Aliya turns around, her hand that was once holding the suitcase dropping to her side uselessly, her other running through her hair in stress. Aly takes the brief pause in their shit show to examine her closer._

_Her eyes are red and puffy from crying, her eyeliner is a little smudged but somehow she still looks gorgeous._

_“What can you possibly say?”_

_There was absolutely no way she could make her stay right now. Aliya had already made up her mind and Aly had pushed her to that decision._

_“We can work this out…I love you, I love you so much I’m not going to let you walk out that door. Aliya, I love you more than anything, isn't that enough?”_

_Aliya scoffs, shaking her head as the tears staining her cheeks show themselves to Aly._

_“It hasn't been enough for months! I can’t do this anymore...I am running uphill...and it feels like you're not even there at the top...I feel I'm running for nothing.”_

_Aly drops her hands by her sides, the heart break slowly starting its descent into her chest, and she remembers the exact time she felt like this last. She thought this was all behind them but something was telling her this was just the beginning._

_"I-I'm sorry, Aliya."_

_That's all she can really say right now because she's standing in front of her entire life and she's not quite sure what's going to happen if it walks out of the door._

 

—

 

“I’ve come around a few times in the last few weeks, but I haven’t seen anyone here. Honestly I'm being over dramatic, you guys probably ran away on another unannounced vacation…”

Simone gives another glance to the front door before she turns to make the quick walk back to her car. Something doesn’t feel right—just looking at the lonely house is giving her more anxiety.

She doesn't know why but she can't stop her rambling, even if no one was on the other end of the receiver listening. 

The plants outside look long neglected and she couldn’t help but notice their mailbox hadn’t been emptied in days, letters and packages are falling over each other some of them soggy from the rain. This just wasn't like Aly or Aliya.

She bites her lip, inhaling sharply as she sits at the driver’s seat, unable to turn on the car as she stares at the doorway once more; trying to will it with her eyes to open and for someone, _anyone,_ to come out.

 

—

 

_ “I-I…” Aly stutters on her words, inwardly cursing herself for not being able to form sentences in the one second she needs to. The look Aliya gives her is of pure heartbreak and it shatters her. She feels like they're all the way back to square one. The glass tower they had built was crumbling slowly._

_She reaches out to grab at Aliya's hand but the other girl steps away, reaching to regather her bags and this time Aly doesn’t stop her. A beep comes from Aliya’s phone alerting her that a car is waiting outside._

_“Come find me when you know.”_

_“No wait…! Let me talk for fucks sake!”_

_Aliya yanks her jacket off the hanger in the hallway, swinging open the front door as Gibson barks sadly and tries to scamper outside after her. Aly runs forward, stopping Gibson from escaping through the door, stepping out onto the gravel of their drive._

_She watches Aliya load her suitcases into the car with the help of the driver before she climbs in, casting her one last broken look that shakes Aly to her core._

_Aly runs up to the window and attempts to wrench the car door of its hinges but it’s locked so she settles for slamming her hands against the tinted glass. She knows Aliya can see her, her entire body is begging her to open the door._

_"ALIYA! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"_

_The sound of the engine kicks up and her motions start to get desperate before the car lurches away from her violently, leaving her in a pile of dust._

_Aly can’t do anything but watch helplessly as the car pulls out of their driveway towards the road. Her limbs are frozen in place, her hands clench over her head painfully, tears cascading down her face like waterfalls._

_After everything she finally knows what it had felt like to Aliya when she had left her those years ago. The pain is splitting her chest so open she can feel herself bleeding out onto the driveway even though there isn’t anything physically there._

_She releases a few short breaths and makes her way back inside the house. Aly stands in the doorway just trying to get a grasp on herself for what feels like an eternity. She tries to get her breathing under control and her head on straight but to no avail._

_Breathe, then get in your car and go to Aliya, then breathe. Don’t you dare make the same mistakes._

_She reaches towards the table in the front hall for her car keys when she sees it and stops. Her visions twists, honing in on this one spot on the table; and just like that her world ruptures._

_Sitting on the table, in stark contrast to everything else in the entire room, is Aliya’s engagement ring._

 

—

 

“I know you’d tell me if something was wrong. Everything’s alright with you two, isn't it? I’m being silly, of course it is…Aly and Aliya; the perfect couple. I’m just worrying unnecessarily. Anyway, please call me when you get this, I can’t seem to reach either of your cells…talk soon bye!”

_Beeeeeeep! Thank you for your message._

Simone tosses her phone onto the passenger seat, sparing one final look at the Raisman/Mustafina residence with a shaky sigh. She starts the engine of her car and pulls out of the drive slowly, the gate closing after her with a faint click.

 

—

 _And in our time that you wasted,_  
_all of our bridges burned down_


	2. Still Missing You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay in updating! I've been really busy with school, work and life but I haven't forgotten about this and I'll try to update more frequently. I'm so happy people are enjoying the sequel so far, I'm excited to let their new story unfold
> 
> This story will be a little different than "Stay" it will jump back and forth between past and present a little more frequently to explain certain details of their situation etc. 
> 
> You've probably heard by now that Aliya got married this past week, congrats to her but it definitly should have been to Aly !
> 
> As always thank you so much for the support - I love you all.
> 
> xx

_Wedding bells were just alarms,_  
_caution tape around my heart_

—

_ “We did it, we did it!” _

_Aliya lets out an exhausted sigh and falls backwards onto the soft cushions, closing her eyes. Aly smiles at her affectionately, thanking her parents as they bring in the last of the boxes. Moving day had been long but they were so determined to be almost completely moved in by the end of the day that they had pushed through it._

_Aly lets out a long exhale before she throws herself onto the cushions next to Aliya, wrapping her arm around her girlfriend and kissing the top of her head. “Mm. Home. I can’t wait to start this new chapter with you.”_

_Aliya shivers at the whisper that Aly mutters into her hair, excitement, love, and happiness bubbling up into her chest all at once. She feels like she’s on top of the world with Aly, and everything is theirs for the taking._

_“Hey we’re going to head over to the hotel, we’ll see you tomorrow for furniture shopping?”_

_Lynn shuffles into the den area with Rick following behind, a proud beam on her face. Aly sticks her thumb up, leaning her head over the back of the couch._

_“Thank you so much…for everything.” Aliya bites her lip and stands, Lynn not even missing a beat as she engulfs Aliya into her arms, kissing the side of her head._

_“You’re family now. Never forget that, okay?”_

_She leans into Lynn’s hold, reveling in the comfort that Aly’s mom exudes, a kind of comfort that even Aliya could never feel from even her own mother._

_Once the rest of the Raisman clan pulls out of the drive and Aly kind of figures out how to work the front gate she finds herself staring at the front of the house. She doesn’t know how long she’s been standing there, in the pouring rain too, until she feels Aliya’s hand on her arm and an umbrella looming over her head._

_“Why are you standing in the rain?” Aliya nudges Aly’s side, a smile quirking at the corners of her lips as she surveys her girlfriend, always in complete awe at the energy that encompasses Aly Raisman._

_“I just…I can’t stop staring at it.”_

_Aliya turns her head and focuses on the front door, nodding in agreement as she slips her hand into Aly’s. “You’re right…it is like magic. Pure magic.”_

_Aly turns her head and grins at Aliya before she leans down to press their lips together softly, giggling when a few raindrops hit their noses. “I’m so in love with you.”_

_Aliya presses her forehead closer to hers, inhaling the same breath as Aly while she cups her cheeks, her stomach doing back flips._

_“Nothing will ever allow me to stop loving you.”_

_ Aly feels like crying but she stops and nuzzles her nose against Aliya’s and grins. “Don’t make a promise you can’t keep, Mustafina.” _

_Aliya snorts and pushes Aly back playfully before yanking her back just as quickly, pressing her lips back against hers hotly._

_“Who says I’m not going to keep it?”_

 

—

 

_ “Have you given more thought to Tokyo?” _

_Aly turns her head at the sound of Mihai’s voice, her body presses forward into the bar in front of her, her right leg stretching onto it. “I…haven’t really thought about it. Aliya and I just moved and right now I’m concentrating on her visa and stuff.”_

_She sounds guilty, because Mihai’s been badgering her about this since the day she finished in Rio but she needs to breathe._

_Gymnastics had been her entire life up until a few months ago, now Aliya is her life. It doesn’t mean she can’t have both but she’s not sure where the balance is._

_Mihai lets out a groan and rolls his eyes, crossing his arms across his broad chest he looks at Aly carefully, sometimes Mihai knew Aly better than she knew herself._

_“Aly, you’re a champion. Champions don’t quit.”_

_She straightens up this time and takes her leg down from the stretching bar, rolling her neck a bit. She knows it, she doesn’t need Mihai to remind her. The medals in her house are a reminder, but being a champion doesn’t always mean you have to keep going._

_“I know, I know. Like I said, my main priority right now is Aliya and building our lives together. I don’t even know if she’s going to return to Tokyo.”_

_“So?”_

_“So, for once I’m thinking about my future not in terms of gymnastics right now, I’m sorry Mihai.”_

_The old man shakes his head, a look of disappointment crossing his face and Aly knows that look all too well. It used to break her, used to cut her straight at the seams when she was younger._

_A wrong twist, bad vault, or missed beam step Mihai’s face would reflect the mistake, Aly didn’t even have to feel the disappointment because he would feel it for both of them._

_It had wrecked her, time and time again but that’s what had made her better. She’s 22 now, she’s committed almost all of her life to the sport, but now she wants to breathe, wants to live and Mihai doesn't seem like he's going to let her without a fight._

_“I’ll think about it. I promise.”_

_She gives him a forced reassuring smile, walking towards the locker rooms to collect her things. Mihai’s eyes follow her but she ignores it, brushes it off because no matter how hard the old man tries right now just isn't the time she had to be thinking about this._

_She’s about to push through the doors when Mihai’s voice catches her off guard, and she knows he isn’t saying it to hurt her, it’s because he cares and he wants her to watch her back._

_“Did you hear? The Russian court may not end up charging Sergei.”_

_She feels ice water spill down her spine, her entire body goes rigid and all she can do is turn and blink at Mihai. He sighs sadly and nods at her, her hand is still on the handle of the door but she can’t find the strength to turn it._

_“Does that mean…?”_

_“Aliya might be brought to testify in Russian court.”_

_“Then I will go with her.”_

_Aly’s doesn’t even need time to think about her answer; it’s automatic. She's never had to think twice about following Aliya. It’s in her blood, in her system, everything that she is is only who she is with Aliya._

_Mihai sets his lips in a tight line and regards the stubborn girl in front of him. He’s known her since she was ten years old and barely something of herself; now she was this sure and confident woman._

_“What is more important to you? Gymnastics or Aliya?”_

_Aly scoffs in response, anger bubbling up in her throat as she finally regains her strength and pushes through the door. “That’s not even a question.”_

 

—

 

Aliya looks away from the window and reaches out to take the steaming mug of tea Maria hands her. She bites her lip, turning her eyes back to the pattering rain on the glass. Her shoulders sag a bit and Maria notes that the bags under her eyes indicate the lack of sleep she’s probably getting. 

“I’m sorry.”

Aliya’s voice is barely above a soft mumble but Maria hears it regardless. Her eyebrows knit into a frown as she takes a seat across from her best friend, reaching out to take her free hand in hers.

“What would you ever have to be sorry for, Alka?”

It jarred Maria to open the door and see Aliya in front of it weeks ago, but for some reason she can’t explain it was like she felt it—she had felt the complete absence when she had left Aliya in Rio, but now even with Aliya psychically here in her presence after all this time she still felt like no one was really here.

Something was different, she was different. She was a ghost.

“I promised you—that I would come back for you if I ever returned. I failed you.”

Her eyes lift up from her mug and look over at Maria, her lashes obscuring the pain in her eyes but Maria can sense it and it’s all engulfing, almost suffocating. Maria shakes her head, leaning over the table to kiss Aliya’s cheek.

“Never be sorry for that.”

Aliya exhales slowly and nods gratefully to her friend before she turns her attention back to the window. She thought her return to Russia would be happier than this, she expected some sort of emotional return but there wasn’t really anything.

Her family hadn’t even tried to contact her even though she had written her mother multiple times and in truth the only person that knew of her return was Maria.

For some reason she can’t bring herself to bring the cup to her lips, usually tea would soothe her but she’s mesmerized by the fall of the rain and the feel of Maria’s hand in her own.

“Where did you go after you left the house?”

She flashes back to that night, all the memories way too fresh in her mind still, even after all these months. She shifts uncomfortably, shrugging but still not looking at Maria.

“I went to Jordyn’s, I did not have anywhere else to go on short notice.”

Maria sucks in a sharper breath than she means to and sits back in her seat. “Does Aly know that?”

Aliya quickly shakes her head a pang of guilt hitting her in the chest. It’s not like she had anything to be guilty for really, Jordyn was just helping her, and she hadn't done it to intentionally hurt Aly but she knew it was the one place Aly wouldn't come looking for her. Even so she knew it would wreck Aly if she found out Jordyn had harbored her broken soul for the two weeks she had stayed there.

“I’m not in love with Jordyn, we never did anything, but Aly was always threatened by her and I don’t know why.”

Maria gives Aliya a look, pursing her lips as she takes a quick sip from her cup. “You do know why.”

Aliya refuses to believe that the dissolution of Aly and Jordyn's friendship was all due to her, it’s much more complex than people saw it from the outside but there was no possible way of explaining it to Maria in this moment.

“Do you miss her?”

Maria regards Aliya thoughtfully, her head tilts slightly and she can’t help but watch the shattered expression that flashes across Aliya’s face, yet it’s only for a second before her cold stoic features return.

A small silence falls over Maria’s kitchen, it’s not awkward but it charges the air with something indescribable. As the two sit in the small apartment, the city of Moscow below them Maria isn’t sure whether Aly and Aliya will make it out this time, she’s not sure if they can return from the gate of hell that they’ve opened because everything’s different now.

They’re a little older, wiser, and more emotional. Maria could tell in Rio how much Aliya was still in love with Aly but now only a year and a half later she can’t tell what Aliya’s emotions are at all.

Even though a part of Maria is selfish and is cherishing every moment she has with Aliya once more she knows that her friend does not belong here anymore; and she hasn’t for a long time. She belongs with Aly.

Her voice is small and genuine when she finally replies, and Maria is more shocked by the emotion behind her words than she should be.

“Everyday. It’s like someone has cut my heart straight out of my chest.”

—

_And I'm always tired, but never of you_


	3. Won't Go Home Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I'm so sorry for the delay in posting an update once again, I've been so busy I apologize, with the shit show of the election I've found myself feeling emotionally and physically drained, I hope people are doing okay since then, I'm always here to talk if you need someone to listen. 
> 
> Things will be picking up soon and i'll try to post the next chapter by the end of this week :)
> 
> I hope you have a great thanksgiving if you celebrate and if not I hope you have a good rest of your week!
> 
> xx

_ Every night you cry yourself to sleep  
thinking: "why does this happen to me?" _

—

 

Ring, ring, ring…

“I’m here.”

Silence encompasses the room and the only sound that can barely be heard is the sound of their collective breathing. Aly presses her phone as close as she can to her ear, believing that in some universe it’s her way of getting closer to Aliya.

This had been turning into a bad habit. Calling each other and not saying anything. Neither of them knew what to say, every time Aly thought she knew it got caught in her throat and she felt like choking.

She assumed it was the same for Aliya. But, here they were. Almost everyday at the same time on the dot.

Aly or Aliya’s phone would ring and they didn’t even have to look at their caller ID’s to know who it was.

They never said anything, sometimes it was a “how are you?” or a “I’m well”, but otherwise complete silence beyond that. Aly didn’t know what it was, just sitting in those few moments and knowing Aliya was on the other end of the line.

The girl had broken her damn heart and yet the best part of her day was knowing this phone call would happen.

Knowing Aliya was there, knowing she was alive, breathing, _listening_. Yet despite all of that there was still a gaping hole in Aly’s chest and she was determined to fix it.

She was determined to not let them fall back into the pattern that they went through four years ago, she wasn’t going to let Aliya slip through her fingers, they could make it she knew they could they both just had to believe it and she wasn’t sure if Aliya did.

“I’m with Masha, in Moscow. I’m safe.”

Aly swallows hard, her fingers gripping her phone tighter as she brings a hand to her mouth. Aliya’s voice floods her ears and into her brain, making her feel like she can’t breathe a second longer without her.

“Y-You are?”

She can feel Aliya tense on the other line like she has more to say and Aly is on the edge of her seat, about to fall or stay and Aliya is controlling all of it.

“I…I don’t know why I’m here.”

Aliya’s voice comes out small, withered, like its been through so much and just making the effort to say these words to Aly is slowly killing her.

In a way she does know why she’s in Masha’s kitchen, thousands of miles from America, but a part of her also cannot bring herself to realize her current situation.

“Then come home, just come home.”

Aly doesn’t want her voice to sound desperate but she can’t help it, everything about her lately just screams desperate but she doesn’t care, this is what she amounts to without Aliya.

“I…can’t.”

It shatters Aliya to say the words and she hadn’t realized until now that this wasn’t going to be as easy as she thought. She couldn’t just go back, not now. The miles between them were tearing her apart everyday but she didn’t have the strength to face Aly.

“Then I’m coming to Moscow.”

“Aly—“

Aliya can’t even get a sentence out before the line goes dead and she’s left with silence on the other end.

 

—

 

_ Aliya stares down at the paper in front of her, her hand holding her pencil faltering a bit as she tries to take the words from her head and put them down. She bites her lip in thought, scrunching her forehead together. _

_“You’re doing really well, babe.”_

_Aly smiles proudly at her, ghosting her hand over her girlfriend’s as she rests her palm on top of Aliya’s knuckles. The younger girl visibly relaxes but her expression still remains tense. There are good and bad days with learning English._

_Somedays she’s on a streak and she can physically feel herself grasping the language then other days it’s like she hits a brick wall._

_Aly can see it, see her struggle and it tugs at her heart strings but she reassures her even on her bad days she’s learning._

_Seeing Aliya put this much effort into something that wasn’t a sport surprised Aly at first, the amount of dedication that came from the Russian was overwhelming emotionally for her because she was doing this all for her in the end; to be able to communicate with her, her family and friends._

_“Why don’t we take a break from adjectives for a little?”_

_Aliya gratefully drops her pencil onto the paper and sits back with a long relieved sigh, running her hands over her face in exhaustion._

_Aly bites her lip and shuffles the note cards in her hands absently, Aliya giving her an affectionate smile from behind her hands._

_“I’m really proud of you, Alka. So proud.”_

_Aly’s beam of pride makes Aliya’s heart jump out of her chest, even after all this time it’s still the best fucking feeling in the world. A high that nothing else could ever compete with._

_“Give me some more.”_

_Aliya sets her jaw determinedly and motions to the cards in Aly’s hand, raising an eyebrow. Aliya was a lot of things, some good, some not so good but she definitely at the core of being was not a quitter._

_It’s then that she notices there’s a small shake in Aly’s hands, her eyes follow her arms up to her face and she gives a small inquiring look to her girlfriend. She sees the creep of a smile tug at the American’s lips and she knows it all too well._

_“Aly?”_

_The other girl gives a shake of her head and a small smile before sliding a notecard to Aliya. There’s a small blush to her cheeks and her eyes are following Aliya’s every movements but her smile is genuine._

_“Try to read this one…”_

_Aliya rolls her eyes in response, knowing Aly too well it was probably a difficult sentence because she liked to push her. She knew it was so she would learn and take on challenges but Aliya was tired, her mind is a jumble of Russian and English; it was overwhelming and sometimes too much._

_She gives Aly a reproachful look but smiles and lifts the notecard, turning the piece of paper over in her fingers her breath catches and her eyes widen. Her mouth goes dry and suddenly everything slows down and it’s just her and the card._

**_“Will you marry me?”_ **

_Is written across the lines in Aly’s neat handwriting. Aliya may not have been studying the English language for too long but this was a phrase she didn’t even need to know a single English word for. She had been waiting to hear these words since she met Aly Raisman._

_She lifts her eyes up just in time to meet Aly’s, hers shimmer with unshed tears and her smile has never felt wider across her face._

_Aly’s knee bounces anxiously under the table and she gives Aliya a look like she’s waiting for an answer and the gears have to start moving in her head again when she realizes she never said anything in response._

_“…Yes! Yes, of course! Aly I have never wanted anything more…!”_

_The watery giggle that escapes from Aly’s throat is contagious and Aliya soon finds herself laughing as well and she doesn’t even know why. Before she knows it she sees Aly remove a small box from her coat pocket and open it._

_The diamond ring that stares back at Aliya is something she’s needed her entire life but just never knew it. Not so much the ring but the symbolism of it is what grounds her in this moment. This promise that the both of them are making; never to repeat the same mistakes they both made prior._

_She holds out her hand eagerly and the ring slips effortlessly onto her finger like it was made just for her and no one else. She surges forward and frames Aly’s face in her hands, kissing her with everything she has, giving her everything she is._

_“I’ll always say yes. Always.”_

_She whispers her words into their kiss, against the lips of the woman she loves and she means them. She means them with her entire being._

 

—

 

_ “So you’ve decided to go for Tokyo?” _

_Aly looks up from her phone to Jordyn who’s standing a couple feet away from her. She’s sat in the bleachers of the gym, chewing her lip anxiously as she reviews a rather long email from her dad._

_“How did you hear?”_

_Jordyn fiddles with the tie on her sweatpants and scoffs gently, giving Aly a condescending look that bothers her more than it should._

_“Word travels fast you know that, Aly.”_

_She nods and sets her phone down, surveying the girl in front of her with curiosity. There was a time where her and Jordyn were inseparable, a time where the two of them were practically glued at the hip but that had all come crashing down the moment Aly had knocked Jordyn off the spot for the all around in London._

_The other girl insisted it wouldn’t effect their friendship, she was hurt but it wasn’t Aly’s fault, she insisted that everything would be normal but nothing had ever been normal for them from then on._

_When Aly had decided to go for Rio and Jordyn decided to retire from her elite career things had changed even more for the two of them._

_Things were cordial between them, there was never any cattiness upfront or in front of coaches, parents or other gymnasts but the animosity that had grown between them had cut Aly at the seams and down the middle._

_She hadn’t only lost her best friend in London she lost a confidant, someone she could tell everything to. The loss seemed to effect Aly a lot more than Jordyn. When it came down to it Aly blamed Jordyn and vice versa._

_She didn’t really know what she would blame the other girl for, but she had tried everything but just like a flame burning out slowly their texts to one another had become scarce, their phone calls non-existent and their dinner dates a distant memory._

_It wasn’t until Aly and Aliya’s relationship came semi-public with her friends and family that Jordyn had started to slowly creep back into her life. When the team had returned from Rio with Aliya in tow Jordyn had been one of the first people to reach out to Aly and offer her support and commend her bravery._

_She wasn’t offering her support in a best friend type of way, the way that Aly wanted it, but it was still better than nothing. It had been a bit of a shock to some people on the team, getting used to the idea of a Russian and an American talking let alone being together as a couple._

_“Have you told Aliya?”_

_Aly frowns a bit, slightly taken aback by the question. What gave her the right to even inquire about that?_

_“Not yet…why?”_

_Jordyn tries to shrug it off but takes a seat on the bleacher one step down from Aly, still fiddling with the ties of her UCLA sweat pants._

_“She’s your fiancé, doesn’t she have the right to know? Training basically controls your life for the next four years.”_

_Aly’s next words come out a little more aggressive than she intended but it doesn’t seem to effect Jordyn._

_“Of course I’m going to tell her, it’s not like I’m keeping it from her, for fuck’s sake Jordyn…”_

_The other girl just blinks and gives Aly a slight nod in response. Her flippant behavior somewhat pisses her off and for a second she has the idea to ask her what the fuck has been up with her but she stops herself._

_Today had been a long training session and the last thing she needed was to get into it with Jordyn Wieber right now._

_“I’ve got it under control, thanks.”_

_Aly stands, slinging her back over her shoulder as she walks towards the end of the bleachers to the exit of the gym._

_“Don’t wait, Aly. It won’t end up well, I just want what’s best for you.”_

_She doesn’t turn around with one hand on the door to push it open, she doesn’t owe Jordyn anything and especially anything about her personal life. She takes a deep breath before pushing through the door and into the parking lot._

 

—

 

“I feel naked without it.”

Aliya holds up her ring finger and examines her hand closely, like looking at it will magically make her ring reappear. All Maria can do is nod and watch her friend, as they sit there she wonders if she’ll ever find love just as Aliya had, if she will ever be able to look at her own hand and see a ring there one day.

“Why did you leave it with Aly?”

She doesn’t have an answer right away, the wounds are still so fresh but it’s a valid question if anything she should have taken it with her but she couldn’t bring herself to in that moment.

“I wanted her to have a piece of me…”

Maria raises an eyebrow and presses a little further,

“So you could get it back from her one day?”

She knows that Maria wants her to say she’s going to go back, that she’s going to make things work and even for a second she convinces herself she will but then she remembers everything and it’s like a weight has suddenly been dropped straight back into her stomach making her want to vomit.

“I don’t know Masha, it’s not that simple.”

“It seems like it is!” Maria bangs her hand on the table, not meaning to sound angry but she can’t help it, she can see her best friend going down the same path and she won’t let her this time.

“You sit here and tell me how much you miss her, so go back to her god dammit, Alka! You love her, I know it, everyone knows it!”

“It’s not that simple Masha—“

“Love is never simple but that’s why you work on it...I will not let you and Aly fall apart while I am around, I will _not_ let you be this broken person again!”

They make eye contact and Aliya blinks back the tears threatening to spill. Maria’s right, there’s not a word she’s said that was wrong but it’s still not that simple.

“Love is supposed to make you happy Masha, not tear you apart from the inside.”

Aliya’s voice is firm, her face is stoic, her throat bobbing up and down as she tries to swallow.

“Love doesn’t always make you happy but you can’t run away from it. Stay and fight...”

She shakes her head, her tears falling freely now as she lets them, her vision clouded slightly but she feels Maria’s hand on her shoulder before her arms encircle her into a hug and she holds on tightly, not willing to let go.

She cries into Maria’s shoulder while she tries to whisper comforting words to her but her body is wracked with sobs, everything hitting her at once. She’s out of words, she’s tired of talking, she’s spent.

“I-I don’t know if I can this time…I don’t know if I have any fight left in me.”

 

—

_ It's not over tonight,  
just give me one more chance to make it right _


	4. Without a Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry again for the latest update ever!! I'll finally be done with my finals after this week and I'll be updating more frequently I promise. More details are to come in this fic and more things are going to unfold I promise I haven't given up on this.
> 
> xx

_ Tell me that all we had were lies,  
show me that you don't care _

—

 

_ “I think we should start looking at venues, maybe florists?” _

_Aliya takes a seat on the couch next to Aly in their den, stacks of print outs in her arms and it’s such a cute sight to see her so excited Aly reaches out and pulls her into her, the other girl squealing in delight._

_“Hello there…how was the gym today?”_

_Aly places a tiny kiss to Aliya’s shoulder and starts to comb through the various brochures and papers with her, shrugging nonchalantly as her run in with Jordyn from a few days ago jumps back into her mind._

_“Not too bad, just easing back into it, Mihai is starting to get intense again.”_

_Aliya nods absently and lays out her favorite picks on the coffee table in front of them, Aly scanning them over carefully as she listens to the explanation for each of them. Her mind starts to wander to the calendar that Mihai was showing her earlier that day._

_There were so many competitions booked for the coming months and between that there were numerous training sessions and promotional things to do. She didn’t realize she’d been zoned out the entire time until Aliya gives her a small nudge._

_“What do you think about this one?”_

_Aly comes back from her cluttered mind and looks at the photos that Aliya is trying to show her. Her eyes scan over the various locations and she smiles at how beautiful each one is._

_“It’s hard to choose, all of them are so different from each other!”_

_Aly’s mind starts to wander again to earlier, her hand absently runs up and down Aliya’s back as the Russian speaks to her excitedly, yet everything is going over her head and all she can think about is telling Aliya about Tokyo but she doesn’t know what’s stopping her._

_“Are you okay?”_

_Aliya frames her face between her palms and examines her closely, trying to see if she’s hurt visibly in any way. “Is it training?”_

_She shakes her head and smiles, shaking her head out of Aliya’s hands as she takes her palm’s and kisses them softly. Aly relishes in the feeling of her girlfriend’s warm skin, the beating of her pulse right under her lips just reminding her that all of this is a reality._

_“I’m just tired—long day of doing the floor and stuff…”_

_Aliya looks at her sympathetically and runs her fingers over her jaw before she places a gentle kiss on her nose. “Go shower and then take a nap…I can look through these.”_

_Aly frowns and shakes her head, her grip on Aliya tightens but the younger girl just shakes her head and smiles at her reassuringly. “Do not worry, you can look at them tonight when you’re rested.”_

_She stands reluctantly but leans in and drops a loving kiss to Aliya’s lips, inhaling the familiar and comforting scent of her fiancé._

_“I love you,” Aly whispers to her, meaning every ounce of it as she frames Aliya’s face before pulling back. “Join me?”_

_Aliya smiles teasingly before shaking her head and taking her seat back on the couch. “I’m going to look through these but another time, I promise.”_

_Aly drops one last kiss to her forehead before making her way to the stairs, she’s halfway up the railing when she turns and watches Aliya on the couch. Her eyes scour every inch of her that she can see, in its ultimate perfection she has never admired her more._

_The way her hair falls over her shoulders like perfect chocolate waterfalls, the way her fingers traced over every photo she holds in her hand as if she were trying to physically feel the flowers, and feel the landscapes of the venues._

_She bites her lip guiltily, her hand pausing its decent on the banister. She could tell her right now, there’s nothing holding her back from doing so and Aliya had a right to know as her fiancé but something was telling Aly to hold off—but she can’t figure out why._

_“Doesn’t she have a right to know?”_

_Jordyn’s words echo in her mind and send a pang of guilt straight to her stomach. It just wasn’t the right time, they were planning a wedding and telling her would only bring more stress into their lives and they had worked so hard to get to this place of calm._

_She could hold off a little while longer, it wasn’t going to hurt them and it wasn’t like she was lying to Aliya directly, she was just waiting to tell her something._

_With her mind partially settled she continues her way up the stairs and to their bedroom, trying to shake the anxiety from her tired body._

_As she stands in the shower, letting the hot water rush over her spine she can’t help but wonder why she chose to train for Tokyo._

_It’s not like she didn’t have enough medals already and no one was really telling her to do it, but there might be a part of her that felt like she owes her team something, owes her country but at this point does she owe her country more than she owes herself?_

_Or does she owe Aliya? Because after all this time that’s the only person will ever matter when it comes down to the line._

 

—

 

“Flight V789 to Moscow, Russia will be boarding shortly, thank you for your patience.”

Aly looks up from her boarding pass as she taps her foot restlessly on the ground. Her carry on sits next to her seat, her earphones successfully drowning out the noise around her.

Just a few more hours and she’d be with Aliya. Like she’s supposed to be. Her phone makes a buzzing sound, interrupting the music playing into her ears and as she glances down to see Mihai’s number on the screen she feels a bought of anger course through her and she aggressively presses the ‘ignore’ button.

Nothing mattered anymore than getting to Moscow and finding her heart. It was halfway across the world right now and she felt the absence grow deeper and deeper everyday.

It’s as if someone has pulled her heartstrings over continents and borders just to tug at them from day to day.

Aliya’s ring sits in her jacket pocket while her hand holds it, feeling the metal between her fingers gives her comfort on hard days. She hasn’t really let it go since she left, her skin is always touching it but never wearing it, no, the ring was only one person’s to wear and one person alone.

“We are now boarding our first class passengers on flight V789 to Moscow.”

Aly’s ears perk up at the flight attendant’s voice, she stands and walks eagerly to the line, anxious to get on board and away from California.

The city of Los Angeles once held so much happiness for her but without Aliya days were bleak, muddled and hard to get through.

It was far colder in Russia, far harsher but right now all she could think about was the chill of the air on her skin, the bite of the wind and the beautiful, glimmering lights of Moscow.

Just as much as America and California specifically had become a home for Aliya, Moscow had made a special place in Aly’s heart. It wasn’t a home so much as it was a place where so many of her happy memories had been made over the past year.

Moscow to Aly was like a home away from home. It serves as a safe, snowy wonderland where nothing looked more beautiful or felt as warm as Aliya walking down the snow covered streets with her at 1am in the morning, their gloved hands holding one another as small kisses were placed on Aly’s cheek between flurries of snow.

“Enjoy your flight.”

Aly smiles gratefully at the flight attendant once her ticket is scanned, probably more than a normal person flying to Moscow should smile but she can’t help it. Her feet want to move faster down the ramp to the plane but she forces her body to be patient and wait for her turn.

She’s about to take her seat when her stomach twists and a feeling of dread settles deep into her system. What if Aliya absolutely refuses to see her? Should she stay in Moscow no matter what?

_You have to. You can’t live without her…_

She swallows hard and slowly takes her seat, throwing the flight attendant a reassuring smile when she’s given a worried look.

Once her seatbelt is fastened securely around her waist she finally exhales, trying to get all of her anxiety to leave her with every breath.

The plane begins its creep towards the runway, her hands shaking with every single movement it makes, she wishes she could just blink and be there already. Aly just knew she was going to feel every single minute that was about to come, 12 hours felt like an eternity but she was ready for it.

A part of her knew she was doing a crazy thing by flying halfway across the world but this was for Aliya and in some way Aly knew that this is what she wanted—she wanted Aly to come for her this time instead of running away like a coward.

She’d walk to the end of the earth if it meant bringing Aliya back with her. There’s nothing she can do to make time go faster so with that in mind Aly sits back and tries to relax. Her eyes fall close as the plane begins its takeoff into the night.

_I’m coming for you, Aliya, I’m coming._

 

—

 

_ “Hey Aly?” _

_“Yeah?”_

_Aly fits her earring into her ear before peaking out from behind their bathroom door. Aliya is laying on their bed, flipping through her laptop when she looks up at her fiancé._

_Aliya lifts her beautiful head to smile at her in the doorway, scrunching her nose in that adorable way._

_“Are you ever going to help me settle on a venue for October?”_

_Aly turns back to her reflection in the mirror before fitting her second earring in. She swallows and slowly emerges from their ensuite bathroom. Aliya can instantly sense her nerves and scoots to the end of the bed, offering her hand out reassuringly._

_“What’s wrong? Do you not want to do this anymore…?”_

_Aly’s eyes go wide as saucers and she almost shouts, moving to sit on the bed next to her. “God no! Oh my god, no Aliya this is all I’ve ever wanted…no, that’s not it…”_

_Aliya’s face relaxes slightly as she moves to kiss away Aly’s anxieties her hand running its way through her hair soothingly. “Tell me, you can tell me anything.”_

_It’s dumb because she knows she could’ve just told Aliya the moment it happened and it wouldn’t be a big deal but she takes a deep breath and intertwines their fingers absently._

_ “I decided…to train for Tokyo. I have a few competitions coming up in September and some in October which is why I haven’t made a decision on the venues…” _

_She braces herself for the anger that is going to sweep over her girlfriend but all she gets is a small nod, confused look and a lip bite. It seems like an eternity before Aliya finally speaks,_

_“When…did you decide this?”_

_Aly swallows around her guilt once more and squeezes their conjoined hands, her thumb absently tracing itself over the diamond ring on Aliya’s finger._

_“A few weeks ago—I’ve been meaning to tell you and I wasn’t hiding it, we’re just so happy about the engagement I wanted to focus on that and not me…”_

_She prepares herself for Aliya’s reaction but all she gets again is a nod and for some reason that motion is beginning to worry her._

_“Aly, you know I’ll support you in everything. I am very proud of you…I love you.”_

_A small wave of relief washes over her before she surges forward and connects their lips, just needing to feel Aliya against her, knowing she’s there and Aly’s fuck up didn’t drive a wedge between them._

_“I am happy about the engagement yes, but I love you and I want you to trust me—“_

_“It wasn’t a lack of trust…I—I honestly don’t know what it was, I just didn’t want to ruin what we have right now.”_

_Aliya shakes her head and kisses her back gently, placing one hand on her jaw to trace the outline of her cheek. “Nothing can ruin this. I wish you had told me…we can delay planning some things until you know your schedule.”_

_For some reason a bullet of guilt hits Aly this time and it’s because after all this hiding and not telling Aliya the moment she does she’s met with the most understanding reaction ever. She mentally hits herself for keeping this to herself in fear._

_“Have I ever told you that you’re the best person on earth?”_

_Aliya smiles shyly and shakes her head, standing to pick out a dress for dinner with Aly’s parents. “I’ve been told that.”_

_But Aly should have known, she should have known that repercussions sometimes start small and build themselves out like ripples._

_She should have noticed it that night at dinner as she sat across from Aliya and as the four of them chatted happily about the wedding, Tokyo and what not. She should have seen the flashes of sadness that crossed Aliya’s face._

_They were there, every sign that Aly had hurt her were there but in her success over telling Aliya she lost sight of what was really under the surface._

_Aliya spins her fork between her fingers and stares down at the food she’s barely touched since it was placed in front of her. Lynn inquires her sometime during the dinner if she’s not feeling well which she replies with a ‘kind of’._

_She was starving when they left the house but something else was sitting in her stomach, it wasn’t anger or sadness it was a kind of disappointment—a hurt. A hurt that was building itself out so gradually that just looking at her food kind of made her sick right now._

_Aly gently knocks her foot under the table and mouths ‘are you okay?’ and Aliya forces a smile back and a nod before mouthing in return, ‘I had a big lunch.’_

_The dinner continues in a normal fashion but once the two of them are tucked away in bed and the clock on the table reads 3:00am, Aliya lays awake with wide eyes, Aly’s arms around her waist as she sleeps silently next to her._

_Why didn’t she tell me? Is she getting second thoughts about the wedding?_

_It wasn’t until that very moment earlier in the night was Aliya 100% sure that she was the most important thing in Aly’s life._

_Now as she lays awake with anxiety pooling in her system she can’t help but think if their entire relationship will be a competition between her and gymnastics. She wonders if she’ll always be worrying whether she comes in second to gymnastics in Aly’s life and she can’t quite wrap her head around this worry._

_Gymnastics had been the number one thing in her life for years until she met Aly. The road from London to Rio changed so many things for her and in return she had created a place for Aly in her life that knocked gymnastics down a few spots, and she was fine with that, she actually always knew Aly belonged in that place over anything else._

_But did Aly truly make the same place for Aliya in her life?_

 

—

_I'll stay here if you prefer,_   
_yes I'll leave you without a word_


	5. With Wings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOWW it's been way too long and once again I apologize so much!! There's really no excuse except for school, my life etc. I promise this story is not abandoned I am going to finish it you have my word! I will try to be updating definitly more than once a month. 
> 
> I thank all of you for your understanding and the people that have stuck with these fic since Stay, I owe you so much and I hope you can understand my delays!
> 
> I love you all xx

_ I look to you, when I see nothing _

—

 

_ “It’s weird isn’t it?” _

_Aliya turns her head at the familiar voice, her eyebrows raising as Jordyn makes her way through the stands towards where she’s sat._

_It surprises her at first how nonchalant the other girl is, just years ago Aliya couldn’t make a move in London without Jordyn’s eyes boring into her._

_But to the Wisconsin native it was like no animosity between them had ever occurred. “What’s weird?” Aliya inquires, looking around the training gym._

_“Seeing her back on the mat.” Jordyn sets her bag down and takes the seat next to Aliya, a kind smile on her face. Aliya had been in America for almost a year now, and she had seen Jordyn many times since but there was still an uneasiness that came with her._

_“Yes…it’s weird but in a good way. She’s happy in the gym.” Aliya smiles after Aly sticks a tumble pass and turns to the stands to wave at her._

_“Are you going to train for Tokyo?”_

_Aliya turns to look at Jordyn, biting her lip before she shrugs  her shoulders. “I’ve been thinking about it—but it’s hard to do from America, I’d have to return to Russia…”_

_The older girl nods in understanding as she plays with the strings of her UCLA hoodie._

_Sensing an awkwardness about to overtake the conversation Aliya chooses to make an effort because if the girl who used to very much dislike her was going to make one so was she._

_“Why did you leave elite so early? I believe you would have done well in Rio.”_

_Jordyn’s lips tug up into a surprised smile at Aliya’s words and she takes a deep breath, leaning back to look about her surroundings as she speaks._

_“I wanted to…I really did but in all honesty? I could never compete with Aly and once Simone came along there was no way I’d even make the podium, especially with you around as well.”_

_There’s a light teasing tone to her voice that lets Aliya know there’s no bitterness towards her, just pure honesty from one gymnast to another. It kind of makes her feel for Jordyn in a way she never thought she’d be able to._

_She remembers the immense heartbreak the gymnast had gone through when Aly had knocked her out of the all around qualifications._

_She could only imagine then what had been going through Jordyn’s head._

_Even though Aliya owed her nothing, and she didn’t feel like she necessarily did a part of her felt as if she should apologize._

_“I’m sorry...”_

_Jordyn shakes her head and sets her hand on Aliya’s arm comfortingly, a gesture that surprises the Russian but she doesn’t flinch away from it._

_“Don’t be, you can’t help being an amazing gymnast and neither can Aly.”_

_She doesn’t know what compels her to say it, or why she’s suddenly so comfortable with opening up to Jordyn Wieber. “I admit it threw me a bit—when she told me, it’s put some things on hold for us…”_

_“Like the wedding?” Aliya nods, swallowing around the emotion in her throat because it was hurting her a lot more than she let Aly know._

_“Once Aly gets fixated on something she really throws herself into it, you probably know that about her, but she won’t forget about what means most to her in the end.”_

_Aliya tries to let Jordyn’s words comfort her but as she watches Aly fly through her perfect routines she wonders if she can only realize these things once it’s too late._

_“If you ever need a friend I want you to know I’m here.”_

_Aliya looks wide eyed at the girl next to her as Jordyn lets out a chuckle._

_“I know we don’t have the smoothest history, and I was definitely a bitch to you in London but I want you to know you can always talk to me—if you’re lonely or feeling like you can’t tell Aly something.”_

_Before she can reply her phone is gently taken out of her hand and Jordyn adds her contact in her address book. She stands once she’s done and slings her bag over her shoulder, leaving Aliya to just blink down at the screen of her phone._

_“Shoot me a text, we can grab coffee sometime.”_

_And with that the UCLA gymnast is gone down the steps. Aliya blinks once more before she looks up to catch Aly’s confused eye. She gives Aliya a curious look to which she just brushes off._

_Aly turns and watches Jordyn exit through the gym doors but not before she gives one last look to Aliya in the stands which she believes goes unnoticed._

_An uneasy feeling settles into Aly’s chest but she snaps out of it quickly as Mihai tells her to wrap up her training for the day._

 

—

 

_ “What were you and Jordyn talking about…?” _

_Aly flexes her hands on the steering wheel, keeping her eyes ahead when she feels Aliya shift beside her in the car. It had taken her about thirty minutes to ask her because at first it seemed like nothing and she should just let it go but slowly it ate away at her resolve._

_“We were just talking about London and how well you were doing being back in the gym.” Aliya smiles at her before returning her gaze to the window._

_Aly wanted to scoff she knew Jordyn wasn’t ever that nice about her but something about the way Aliya said it made her know it was genuine._

_She reaches her hand over to take Aliya’s with a small smile. “She just seemed really interested in talking to you, it confused me…”_

_Aliya sighs with a small nod of agreement, “Me too. I didn’t think she liked me.”_

_To Aly’s knowledge she didn't think the other girl did either but she was slowly beginning to think Jordyn had another agenda._

_She didn’t want to think badly of the girl but her mind was in overdrive from training and what not so she really didn’t have time to be fucked with by Jordyn._

_ “She gave me her number, to get coffee sometime.” _

_Aly almost slammed the breaks but instead just felt her stomach drop. What the fuck?_

_ “Why would you two need to get coffee?” _

_Aliya shakes her head not really having an answer herself and that worries Aly even more. “I will not go if you don’t want me to.”_

_Aly shakes her head quickly, wanting to be far from a controlling girlfriend but something about this just didn’t feel right, but she trusted Aliya, more than anyone._

_“No, no it’s fine…I just don’t know why she’s suddenly being nice to you and I.”_

_Aliya lifts her shoulders up before she returns her gaze to the passing Malibu landscapes. “She’s trying to patch things up, and get closure. I think it’s nice of her.”_

_Aly just nods her head dumbly and fixates her eyes directly on the road in front of her, Aliya not noticing how white her knuckles were turning gripping the steering wheel._

_“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”_

 

—

 

"Thank you…I mean…spasibo!”

Aly smiles awkwardly at the Russian cab driver before sliding out of the car, squinting at the apartment complex in front of her. She looks down at her phone notes, making sure this was the address Maria gave her.

She takes her suitcase and backpack, heaving a deep breath as her eyes stay in front of her at the door.

The very door that her entire world could be behind right now. She was just inches away but for some reason the distance felt greater.

After being separated from Aliya for two months already she wasn’t quite sure what she was going to find on the other side, and that frightened her, it actually scared her shitless to think that she’s come all this way for nothing.

_Don’t fucking think that way. Don’t be a coward, do the right thing this time!_

She shakes her head, trying to rid herself of the negative thoughts before she reaches out and wraps her knuckles against the door. She only has to wait a few seconds before the object flies open and she’s greeted with a bright faced Maria.

Aly opens her mouth to speak before she’s pulled into a tight hug, Maria almost picking her up off her feet. “Privet, Aly!”

“Maria, hi…thank you so much for just helping me out and just everything...letting me know Aliya is safe, it means the world to me.”

She bites her lip when they pull back from the hug, giving Maria a genuine smile as the other girl nods understandingly and helps her inside.

The apartment is small but very elegant and put together, it looked like how Aly would expect Maria’s place to look, and it also had an air of coziness to it. She kind of felt sad that Maria lived here alone.

She scans her eyes throughout the room, trying to prepare herself for when she comes face to face with Aliya but she doesn’t sense anyone else in the apartment.

“She’s out now getting groceries…”

As if Maria could read her mind she gently takes Aly’s jacket to hang up as she follows her into the kitchen. “Do you think she’ll hate me for just showing up?”

Maria shakes her head before she takes a real look at the disheveled girl. Distance and heartbreak did not suit Aly well but she was somehow still beautiful beneath all the layers of pain.

“Nyet. I think she will not know what to do.” Maria leans against the counter and folds her arms in front of her, giving Aly her honest opinion.

“I love her so much—I can’t be without her and I won’t make the same mistakes…”

Maria motions for Aly to sit as she moves to pour her a glass of water. She slides the glass across the table to Aly who gives her a small thankful smile, the trip had been anything but relaxing and the exhaustion and jet lag was starting to seep into her system.

“She still loves you, she never stopped. You may be at odds with each other but I know she would never stop loving you.”

She swallows down her water quickly, trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill and instead takes a few strides forward and wraps Maria in a hug once again.

“Thank you Maria, I have _always…always_ valued your support to me, Aliya, and us together…”

It's interesting to her to sometimes stop and think about the sacrifices that Maria has had to make in her life. Simone included in that of course. She wants to ask about the two of them but she thinks she'll save that for later.

She can see it in Simone's eyes when they're together, there's this underlying glint of pain-and she just knows it has to do with Maria. She doesn't approach the subject because the last time she almost got her head ripped off.

A part of her hopes that Maria will come to America, just to see Simone smile in that beaming way.

Aly pulls back and touches Maria’s cheek with her palm, tilting her head slightly. “You’ve done so much for me…for Aliya, I—“

Before she can get sentimental Maria stops her with a quick shake of her head and a smile. “Save your energy for later, now you should sleep it’s a long trip…she’ll be here when you wake up.”

Aly bites her lip, letting Maria lead her to the spare room. What if Aliya wasn’t there when she woke up?

_What if I wake up and I’m back in California without her?_

“I promise. She acts like she does not miss you but I know she truly does.”

She sets her bags down on the ground and crawls onto the warm bed, the scent of Aliya instantly overtaking her as she clutches at the sheets and blankets.

She’s so overwhelmed she just basks in the familiar scent she’s missed so much.

Maria closes the door with a soft click and lets Aly drift away to sleep, her body finally begins to power down and she lets the warm blankets and pillows be all that she needs right now.

She would put all the power into fighting for Aliya once she’s fully charged.

 

—

 

_ “I didn’t think you’d actually show up.” _

_Aliya smiles and takes a seat across from Jordyn, holding her coffee in one hand. “I’m not the bitch everyone makes me out to be.”_

_Jordyn smiles as well before she lets out a laugh and sits back in her chair, surveying Aliya._

_“Touché, Mustafina.”_

_“Aly is training and I was stuck at home…it’s nice to get out of the house.” Aliya takes a few sips from her cup, observing at Jordyn over the lid._

_“So why did you decide to?”_

_Aliya avoids making eye contact with the other girl and fiddles with the sugar packets in the center of the table before speaking,_

_“Like I said, I was stuck at home…Aly has been in the gym every day this week, I was lonely…”_

_Jordyn nods understandingly and resists the heavy urge to reach across the table and take Aliya’s hand. She’s not sure why the woman in front of her is entirely different from the steel Russian gymnast she used to hate but she sees Aliya for what Aly sees in her._

_She’s pure beauty, everything she does, even the flick of her hair is beautiful and Jordyn finds herself absolutely mesmerized._

_A part of her grows even more agitated with Aly for ignoring such an angelic human being. But that was very like Aly, to be very selfish without truly realizing it, or at least that’s how Jordyn saw it._

_People didn’t trust her word as much because of the rifts she has had with Aly but she can only stick true to her word and what she sees in front of her is someone that Aly is slowly hurting._

_“I hate to see you so lonely.”_

_She doesn’t know why but it just slips out and Aliya is staring at her with wide eyes and she’s not sure if it’s because what she said was so soft or because she’d never expect to hear it from someone like Jordyn Wieber._

_Aliya opens her mouth and some retort is on the tip of her tongue but she loses it the minute she looks at Jordyn’s genuine expression. She’s at a loss for words and she can’t quite figure out why she isn’t being more hesitant towards Jordyn._

_This is the girl that used to be Aly’s best friend and not to mention one of her fiercest competitors but she doesn’t quite see that anymore._

_She doesn’t know what she sees, yet instead of standing and leaving she takes another sip from her cup, the two of them collectively letting out a breath._

 

—

 

She can hear her.

She knows that voice anywhere, it’s angelic, soft yet has an edge to it that’s all commanding and powerful. It’s Aliya Mustafina’s voice. There’s no doubt.

Aly’s eyelids feel heavy and her body feels like a thousand cement blocks are weighing her down but she forces herself awake. Her eyes take a moment to adjust before she looks around at her surroundings.

Nothing is familiar, even the bed beneath her is foreign and for a second she thinks she’s still dreaming seeing as Aliya’s voice is only getting louder then she remembers.

_Plane. Russia. Maria. Fuck._

She sits herself up before rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She can hear Maria and Aliya talking downstairs and from the tones of their voices it didn’t seem to be a very pleasant conversation.

Aly slowly lifts herself from the bed to stretch her sore limbs. Being on a cramped plane for hours hadn’t done amazing things for her body right now. She takes a few steps forward to push the door open, the two voices more clearer now.

They’re speaking quickly but Aly has studied Russian for a few years now, she can understand to a reasonable knowledge.

“Why did you even let her in here, Masha?!”

“You know I would never reject Aly, she came for you, Alka! For God’s sake you’re being stupid she came for you!”

The two Russians don’t notice Aly until she’s literally standing a couple of feet away from the arguing pair.

Aliya is the first to turn and it steals Aly’s breath straight from her lungs when she comes to face to face with the woman after so much time.

This time was different from their reunion in Rio the first day—back then Aliya had been struggling under so many weights it was hard to see she was really in there but not this time, Aliya is fully there and she’s never looked more broken.

Aly can fully _see_ her and it’s earth shattering because this is all she’s wanted, this is all Aliya’s wanted, but neither of them can find it in them to just move forward.

Maria looks between the two, folding her arms in front of her chest knowingly. She gives Aliya a pointed look and waves her hand.

“I refuse to send Aly away, she’s come so far—stop being…stop being stupid!”

Aliya flashes her eyes warningly at Maria who doesn’t even falter. She’s never spoken to Aliya in that way before, but this isn’t about Maria defying her in anyway it’s about being a true friend and in being that she has to make Aliya realize it’s time to fix things.

“I’ll be in the kitchen.”

Maria slips away just leaving Aly and Aliya still staring at each other. Every bit of their history is flooding back into their bodies and the emotion is almost too much for Aly right now.

“Aliya,” she breathes out, reaching forward to take Aliya’s hand and exhaling again when she doesn’t flinch away.

Her bottom lip is quivering, Aly knows her so well to know she’s holding back, she sees the wall she’s put up.

She shakes her head slowly, squeezing her palm tightly between hers. Aly’s voice cracks when she finally speaks but the emotion behind it is not lost on Aliya, not at all. 

“Please don't walk away from me. Please.”

 

—

_ So tell me where to find you,  
and tell me where to go _


	6. Burning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is still out there reading this: I am SO sorry! This is way too late, there's really no excuse for how I've neglected this fic but damn, if you have stuck with this and have been waiting for an update take all my love and apologies. So many things have happened in my life lately but I will always come back to writing to help me through, so thank you for supporting me.  
> xx

_ I've been burning, yes I've been burning _

—

 

_ “Aly I have to talk to you.” _

_Aly looks up from her phone as Mihai approaches her where she’s warming up on the mat. Her eyebrow instantly raises at his tone before she sees the save the date letter in his hand._

_“Oh you got it! Is the vegetarian option not suitable for you…?” Her heart drops a little because Mihai is one of the people she’d be broken not to have at her wedding but he shakes his head and a wave of relief floods her._

_“I won’t be busy that day but you will be.”_

_Aly makes a face before she scoots back to look up at him, “what are you talking about?”_

_Mihai shakes his head and takes a seat next to her as he pulls up her competition calendar and her stomach plummets as he opens to October, her eyes instantly land on the 10th, their wedding date and also the Toronto Games._

_“Well obviously I’m not going to Toronto, that’s my wedding day Mihai.”_

_The look Mihai gives her makes Aly almost do a double take. Was this man really insisting she go to a fucking competition over her wedding?_

_“There’s no discussion around this. You can’t control when I get married for fuck’s sake Mihai.”_

_The old man flinches at the swear but stands his ground, shaking his head he puts a hand on Aly’s shoulder which she shakes off angrily._

_“You’re my coach and my mentor. How dare you imply that I move my wedding day to compete in some competition.”_

_“Some competition? Aly it’s the Toronto Games, it’s not just some competition it’s one of the major corner stones to you making Tokyo—“_

_“Then screw Tokyo! Why would I jeopardize my happiness and my life for some sport? I’ve given you everything Mihai, I won’t let you take this from me!”_

_She stands abruptly and almost shoves Mihai out of the way in her haste to collect her things but he stops her, gently putting a hand on her arm he shakes his head._

_“I’m not saying break up with Aliya but she will understand if you have to move the date by just a week or two…Aly think about this. Aliya will always be there but the sport and competition won’t. You’re already 22 and at this point you should be long retired but you’re a champion, you have the power and strength to strive for this.”_

_She shakes him off once more but stays where she is, letting his words really sink into her mind._

_“You don’t know… fuck, you have no idea how long I’ve fought for Aliya and how long we’ve fought for each other.”_

_Aly turns to look at him as tears brim in her eyes and she can’t help that dark feeling o despair and loneliness creep back inside her. She would never, she swears, never feel like this again because she’d never let Aliya go._

_“Aly, I understand how you have struggled, you have fought hard and Aliya is here with you. She is not going anywhere, I promise. If she loves you she will understand.”_

_The tears spill freely now and she forces her legs to the door, shaking her head furiously. How could he say that? Gymnastics over Aliya? Was he out of his fucking mind?_

_“Just think about it, Aly.”_

_She ignores his words as she pushes past the doors and out into the parking lot. She just needed to get home and crawl into her fiancé’s arms and forget this day ever happened._

_Aly needs to get lost in Aliya for the rest of the day and maybe forever. Her fingers hover over Aliya’s contact on her phone but she takes a deep breath and climbs into her car instead._

_There’s nothing she can do but sit in the driver’s seat for a couple of minutes just trying to calm her anger and catch her breath._

_How dare Mihai even insinuate she move her wedding for a competition! It should be the other way around!_

_His words resonate in her ears and she just wants them to leave, she doesn’t want to think about this anymore but they stick: “If she loves you she will understand.”_

_Her breath catches in her throat, almost choking her as she presses the palms of her hands to her eyes._

_Fuck, fuck, fuck!_

_She screams into the emptiness of the car, thankful no one is around the parking lot or in the vehicle with her. For some reason she’s more mad with herself that she’s even letting Mihai get to her._

_A beep from her phone alerts her of a text as Aliya’s name lights up on her screen. Shifting her thumb over the pad the text opens and her heart feels a little better from just the sheer words Aliya sends her;_

_“Can’t wait until you get home. I decided to bake a cake and Gibson’s helping!”_

_Another beep alerts her to the most adorable photo ever of Aliya and Gibson, covered in flour, and looking happier than ever. Aly’s heart takes off and she finds the strength to start the car and pull herself together._

_It was moments like these that she lived on, moments like these that Mihai would never take from her._

_So why couldn’t she stop thinking about what he had said?_

_“Fuck!” Aly lets out an exasperated groan before starting the engine and pulling out of the parking lot quickly. She just needs to get home, clear her mind and see her fiancée._

_Her hands grip the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turn white but she can’t help it, she’s frustrated with herself, frustrated with gymnastics and Mihai._

_She can’t have just one moment of clarity where it didn’t feel like her life was being held up by very thin pillars._

_The breeze from her window grants her some air to breathe as she travels down the Malibu coast towards home. Her heart is racing just thinking about seeing Aliya and then and there she decides that’s all she needs in life._

_Fuck gymnastics._

_Aliya Mustafina came before anything else in her life and she was going to make sure it stayed that way._

 

—

 

“Walk away?! Aly, you chose to walk away from me first!”

Aliya yanks her body away from Aly as if her touch as burned her and Aly recoils slightly. She shakes her head and swallows around the urge to cry.

She places her fingers on her temples, already feeling stressed out from the conversation. Aly’s words were getting to her, making her realize the harsh reality she was currently engulfed in.

“I…I choked when I saw you with Jordyn! You can’t blame me for doing that, it just all happened too quickly! I just couldn’t take it, and you should understand that out of anyone!”

Aliya takes a deep breath at the mention of Jordyn’s name, the girl had been trying to contact her nonstop but the very thought of her made Aliya feel a pit in her stomach.

Aly’s hands clench into fists at just the mention of that moment, it makes her blood run cold and her mind retreats to the worst possible scenarios, her hatred towards Jordyn growing even more if that were possible.

She would have punched the girl if she were able to but in a way it was more complex than that, some things, like punching her in her dumb face, just didn’t make one feel better and perhaps that was one of them for Aly.

No, the revenge she would have on Jordyn was going to be much greater because in the end she would have Aliya, and to Aly that was more of a revenge than she could ever have on Jordyn.

“You know…you should have known I would never do anything with Jordyn, you knew that and you still…you still—“

Just at the thought of their wedding brings tears to Aliya’s eyes and she has to turn away from Aly for a second because just looking at the girl will bring back every single piece of her broken heart that she had so meticulously buried away.

“Fuck, I know—but you have to know I never meant to hurt you…I thought that maybe the reason you let her kiss you was because you didn’t want to get married anymore…I thought giving us some time would help.”

Aliya turns her eyes back to Aly, a flash of anger sweeps through them before sadness settles. In a way she understands Aly’s confusion and hurt, but it just made her believe that Aly didn’t know her at all.

“I love _you_ , I have never loved Jordyn, you have to know that somewhere deep down...”

She whispers the words faintly, looking to Aly in hopes that the girl can just see the truth in her eyes.

“I never meant to hurt you…I carry the pain every day, Aly, please know that.”

Aly nods because she does understand, it doesn’t take away the hurt, but she knows Aliya well enough to know the girl would never purposefully hurt her in the way she did. Somehow that makes Aly hurt even more.

_Is it possible to love someone so much it hurts?_

“Where do we go from here?”

Aly bites her lip and looks to Aliya as a silence falls over both of them. Aliya knows she can’t live without Aly, but she doesn’t have the strength to keep fighting.

She opens her mouth and attempts to formulate the English, her hands making small gestures,

“I thought our love was kind and gentle not this angry monster it has become. I feel as if we are fighting an uphill battle all the time—“

Aly shakes her head, moving to take a seat on the couch as she puts her face in her hands. She couldn’t really disagree, for a long time it had felt like they were both climbing uphill for no real reason.

“There has been so many ups and downs in my life Aliya, _so_ many but one thing that has never changed and will _never_ change is my love for you.”

Aly looks up at Aliya with a small shrug and nod. She means everything she says, Aly Raisman has never half-assed anything in her life and she wasn’t going to start now.

Aliya takes a seat beside her, hesitating before putting her hand on Aly’s arm. “I love you Aly—I truly do…but you have to understand, because you said it once; sometimes love just isn’t enough.”

Aly inhales sharply at her words but doesn’t falter, instead she keeps going because that’s all she can do right now and all she ever will do. If their love is forever an uphill climb then Aly will always fight for it and never stop.

“Come back to Los Angeles. Let me just try to work this out with you, let's fix this together. We've been through way too much to just give this up, I just need to be with _you.”_

Aly’s never heard herself sound so desperate in her life ever, about anything but when it comes to Aliya she can’t help but feel so, so weak.

And even so when Aly was so weak around Aliya, the other girl was exactly the same. She can feel her cold facade melting away and in that moment she feels if Aly goes anywhere away from her she might die.

“Okay.”

A sigh of relief leaves Aly’s throat and she smiles softly in return, trying to convey with her eyes to Aliya that they can do this, they will do this.

“Okay.”

 

—

 

_ “How could you?” _

_“What…Aly, what are you talking about??”_

_Aly spins around, glaring angrily at Aliya in a way she never has before and it shocks both of them, she never knew her anger could escalate this high._

_“You know! H-How could you even think of seeing Jordyn? You’re letting her get into your head!”_

_Aliya blinks and takes a step back, trying to diffuse the situation that’s clearly about to turn nuclear. “I’m not letting her do anything, Aly you have nothing to be paranoid about, Jordyn is your friend…”_

_“She’s not my fucking friend! She’s a manipulative—“_

_Aliya stands and puts her hands up in surrender, giving Aly a pointed look. “Please don’t yell at me.”_

_Aly instantly sees the hurt on Aliya’s face and softens up, letting out a frustrated breath as she nods. “I’m sorry, I—I just don’t know why you would meet up with someone like her when you know how she’s treated me—“_

_Aliya shakes her head and takes a step forward to take her fiancé’s hand gently. “I did not do it to hurt you, Aly, I…” She looks to the Russian with wide eyes and waits for her to finish her sentence but when she can’t she starts to feel panicked._

_“You what…?”_

_Aliya runs a stressed hand through her hair and turns away from her for a second as she paces gently, debating whether she should tell Aly the truth. It’s kind of amazing how throughout this whole process, meaning Tokyo and what not, Aliya has shielded Aly from most of her hurt—and maybe it’s not the right route to take but seeing Aly happy in the gym makes her happy._

_“Because…I’m fucking lonely when you’re away at competitions! When you’re training all day! I do not have a job or friends here…I'm lonely!”_

_Aliya lets the last word come out in a whisper as she turns back to Aly, her shoulder deflating and a defeated look crossing her face. Aly steps back and bites her lip, guilt instantly washing over her._

_“Aliya—I’m so sorry…” Aliya shakes her head and stops her from speaking further. “You wanted to know and now you know why. I do not know what I’m doing here…do you still even want to marry me?”_

_Aly doesn’t hesitate before she surges forward and pulls Aliya into her body, hugging her waist tightly. “Oh my god, that’s all I’ve ever wanted to do, I never want you to think I don’t…I’m going to be better, I promise, I promise.”_

_She wants to believe her, she really does, and in the moment she can but something feels off and she worries that even if Aly does want to marry her maybe her actual heart is thinking otherwise._

_“Then act like it.”_

 

—

 

_ “Do you want anything to drink, like water or tea…?” _

_Aliya looks away from the window and gives a small shake of her head, attempting to smile softly at Jordyn standing in the kitchen doorway._

_“No, but thank you…”_

_The older girl shifts slightly before she comes to sit across from Aliya, biting her lip in nervousness._

_“It’s been two days, are you sure there isn’t anything I can do? Does Aly even know you’re here?”_

_Aliya looks away guiltily at Jordyn’s question and resumes staring out the window into the rainy night. Everything feels so meaningless right now, without a ring on her finger or a wedding to plan Aliya didn’t feel like her life was moving forward, it was just kind of frozen._

_Here she was at Jordyn’s house where she’s been for two days. Aly not having a clue where she is doesn’t feel right but she doesn’t know how to get her thoughts in any sort of order._

_“Aliya—“, Jordan starts but stops herself instantly when the Russian turns to her. A blush creeps up Jordyn’s cheeks no matter how hard she tries to brush it off but her words are caught in her throat with no sign of escaping anytime soon._

_“Nothing. Never mind.”_

_Aliya inquires Jordyn with a confused expression but the older gymnast brushes it off and stands. “I’m going to head to sleep…I’ll see you in the morning?”_

_She senses the quiver in Jordyn’s voice, even if the older girl doesn’t notice it, Aliya has always been so perceptive of emotions. She had to be as a gymnast, she had to be able to read people and Jordyn is like an open book right now._

_She can see the way Jordyn interacts with her, the way she so easily took her in when she had nowhere to go, there’s just something she can’t put her finger on._

_“Yes. I’ll be here.”Jordyn nods and turns to the stairwell, giving one last glance at Aliya before she goes up._

_Aliya watches her go and then it hits her out of nowhere. Jordyn is happy she’s here. Jordyn is taking care of her. Jordyn wants her here. Jordyn knew she would come._

—

_ Oh, if you ever called I will run straight back _


	7. Dive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind words as this fic returns! I hope you enjoy this next chapter and thank you, thank you once again for all your support xx

_ Maybe I played my cards wrong  
oh, just a little bit wrong _

—

** 3 Months Later **

 

 

“Aliya, you’re being very quiet today.”

Aliya looks away from where her eyes had been fixated on the coffee table to the woman sitting across from them on the couch. It took her a quick second to remember where she was but then it registers with her.

She smiles politely at Susan, their couples therapist, and shakes her head in return. “Just thinking.”

She feels Aly glance at her from where they’re seated on the couch and knowing Susan will press for more she beats her to it,

“We’ve been talking a lot today about trust…and how I have hurt Aly’s trust, but what about the trust Aly broke for me?”

Susan nods and jots something down quickly on her notepad, beckoning her to continue. Aliya takes a deep breath and finally turns to Aly and regards her.

It had been 2 months of these sessions. Some were better than others, but somedays Aliya couldn’t even tell if they were doing them any good. She had also started seeing her own therapist on the side as recommended by Susan to deal with her trauma, but sometimes it was just too much. It was all too much.

“I let Jordyn kiss me, yes, but you wanted to cancel our wedding because of it—“

“Reschedule—“

Aliya sighs when Aly interrupts her but the other girl quickly concedes to let her finish. Their communication was getting better, both of them could see that, but Aliya was still trying to find her voice in English and the language barrier was proving to be more frustrating than usual in these sessions.

“What I’m trying to say is we both broke each other’s trust, and I do not think there’s use in trying to figure out who broke it ‘more’, we’re not going to get anywhere if we think about it that way.”

She sits back exasperated but Aly’s expression changes and Susan raises an eyebrow in agreement, nodding eagerly as she jots more notes down.

After a few beats pass Aly nods and reaches across the cushions to take Aliya’s hand and this time the Russian doesn’t pull it away.

“You’re right Aliya, but how do I know you’re not going to punish me for the rest of our lives?”

Susan nods understandingly and sets her notepad down, crossing her hands across her lap she regards the two women. So deeply in love, yet so deeply apart at the same time.

She has never encountered a couple with their tumultuous history before but what she sees before her isn’t unfixable, in fact witnessing the love that the two have for each other makes her think the situation is quite the opposite of unfixable. The two look at her to say something and she smiles softly,

“You don’t know that unfortunately. and Aliya has no way of knowing for sure if you won’t cancel your wedding again. All that you both know is that you want to move forward, and risk that the love that you two have for each other will get you through it…and that’s what we’ll discover here.”

 

—

 

_ “How long has she been away?” _

_Aliya looks down at the coffee mug in front of her, mesmerized by the liquid swirls of milk and sugar. The fascination Americans have with their cafe drinks is so intriguing to her._

_“A week—for a competition in Taiwan.”_

_Jordyn nods softly, her eyes never leaving Aliya for a second as she takes a sip from her mug. The two had made a habit of meeting at this coffee place in North Hollywood._

_Cafe La Moma. Maybe this would be their unofficial official spot from now on. Jordyn would like to think so._

_“You must be so lonely.” Jordyn speaks quietly and even though Aliya doesn’t respond right away she knows Jordyn can sense the emotion._

_A part of her feels guilty for her meetings with Jordyn like this, but another part of her feels at ease with the other gymnast, it felt like she had someone else in her life other than just Aly._

_In reality she didn’t really need anyone else but Aly, but the days felt longer when she didn’t know anyone in America, and especially longer now that Aly had been away competing so much._

_“Hey Jordyn?”_

_“Yeah?”_

_“Thank you for being here for me.”_

 

—

 

_ It had been a long day, in fact longer than long, Aly had gotten to the gym at seven and it was now nearing eleven at night.  _

_ She shoulders her gym bag over her shoulder and pushes open the front doors, her face instantly lighting up at the sight of Aliya in the parking lot, but the smile quickly fades when she realizes who’s with her and that they’re intensely talking about something. _

_Neither of them notice Aly approaching in the semi-empty lot. Suddenly the sight of Jordyn’s car indicates to her that Aliya somehow got here via Jordyn and that makes her blood begin to boil in suppressed anger._

_Aly is well aware they’ve been having coffee meet ups for a while, and every time she lies about it to Aliya and says she’s okay with it, her anger only grows deeper._

_As she draws closer she feels the tension in the air but the words are hushed and Aliya looks as if she’s trying to avoid whatever Jordyn is saying._

_“Just listen to me, Aliya, there’s a reason—“_

_“Jordyn, stop it, this isn’t helping anything…”_

_“Give me a chance, I can’t quit…I can’t…”_

_Before Aly can do anything Jordyn steps forward and presses her lips against Aliya’s passionately, which is not reciprocated by Aliya much to Aly’s reassurance but in a split second she sees absolute red._

_Jordyn is kissing Aliya._

_She’s fucking kissing **her** fiancée!_

_Aliya is **letting** Jordyn kiss her._

_In her blind rage she doesn’t even notice Aliya shoving Jordyn away, and although the kiss lasted all but ten seconds it feels like an eternity to Aly and all she can see is pure anger._

_Her first swings out and the sound of it colliding with flesh resonates in her ears. Jordyn stumbles back with a surprised shout from the punch and holds her face, anger hums through Aly like a drug and she lunges forward to take another swing but stops at Aliya’s voice,_

_“Aly! No, stop, what are you doing?!”_

_“Beating the shit out of Jordyn Wieber what does it look like?!”_

_“Stop, stop!”_

_She feels her fiancée’s hands on her pulling her away from the retreating form of the other girl but she doesn’t put her fist down, she keeps it raise in threat to let Jordyn Wieber know that if she ever came close to Aliya her fist would land in her face again._

_“Jesus fucking christ, Raisman!” The older girl touches her red cheek and glares at Aly, turning her head to the side to spit out a bit of blood. Aliya looks horrified between the two, letting go of Aly’s arm._

_“Aly it didn’t mean anything—“_

_“Then why did you let her do it, huh?! Why are you fucking defending her?! I swear to god Wieber if you ever come near us again you’re—“_

_“Aly, just calm down…!” Aliya steps between the two and the very idea that Aliya is defending Jordyn hits Aly like a bus and she takes a step back angrily._

_“So what, you’re leaving me for her now?”_

_“Aly no, oh my god! I didn’t even know she was going to do that!”_

_Aly surges forward again, this time going for Jordyn’s throat, but forgets that Aliya is just as strong as she is and feels herself being shoved back once more._

_“I didn’t know Jordyn was going to kiss me—“_

_“Yeah but you didn’t stop me.”_

_This time Aliya glares straight daggers at Jordyn and the very motion takes her take a step back in surrender._

_“Let’s go.” Aliya turns her eyes away from Jordyn and doesn’t look back, the other girl’s eyes pleading with her but she ignores her and walks to Aly’s car in the gym lot._

_Aly just shakes her head at her once best friend and teammate before she follows her girlfriend to the car, her hand hovers over her back protectively as she helps her into the passenger side and closes the door. Before she gets into the driver’s side she shoots Jordyn one last look and opens her mouth to speak._

_Her tone is as cold as ice and pointed like a dagger,_

_“Don’t you ever come near my girlfriend again, and if you do I will murder you.”_

_The car screeches out of the lot dramatically and Jordyn watches them go. She touches her lips, tasting blood from where Aly punched her but also resonating with the feel of Aliya’s lips on her own, even for that split second it changed her entire world._

 

—

 

“Where have you been?”

Aliya jumps so high she almost drops the trash bag she’s holding in her hand, covering her mouth so she doesn’t scream.

“Jordyn, what the hell!?”

_It’s so cute when she uses English phrases._

“You haven’t returned any of my texts or calls since you came back, why?”

Aliya shakes her head at how ridiculous this is before she shoves the trash bag into the receptacle by the gate, crossing her arms over her chest afterwards. “Jordyn, how long have you been waiting here?”

The older girl gives a roll of her shoulders and shifts her weight from one foot to another as she looks around for an excuse but the creeping blush on her cheeks and her silence is Aliya’s answer.

“An hour or two—“

“An hour or two?! Are you out of your mind?

“I had to see you.”

Aliya shakes her head and starts back up the driveway, shaking her head. “Go home, Jordyn.”

“So you’re going to stay with her? After she cancelled your wedding and blamed it on you?”

She refuses to turn around and give Jordyn the satisfaction of seeing how her words do get to her. She refuses to let Jordyn know that she is struggling reconciling with Aly more and more everyday.

Aliya reaches the gate and throws a small glance behind her, sighing heavily. “If you don’t go she’ll see you on the monitor and chase you down.”

Both of them know Aly will stop at nothing to finish Jordyn so the other girl concedes slightly and retreats back to her car.

“Please return one of my messages. Just one.”

With that she drives away back into the night, Aliya feels her heart constrict as she shuts the gate with a small click. 

 

—

 

_ They're both awake and Aly can sense it. She woke up about an hour ago and just remained staring at the ceiling, listening to the silence around their bedroom. _

_Aliya has been awake for about the same amount of time, staring at the ceiling as well, but neither of them have said a word._

_It feels like an eternity before Aly finally turns her head to face her girlfriend in the dark, biting her lip nervously._

_“Why did you let Jordyn kiss you?”_

_Aliya’s reply is almost automatic,_

_“I didn’t.”_

_Aly doesn’t want to argue but she saw it with her own eyes, she saw Jordyn lean in and Aliya let her. Maybe a part of the Russian was curious, and Aly trusts that she didn’t know Jordyn was going to make a move, but just the image of Aliya’s lips touching anyone else’s but Aly’s makes her sick to her stomach._

_“Aliya—“_

_“I didn’t know she was going to do that.”_

_“I know but,”_

_“I’m not in love with her if that’s what you are wondering.”_

_Aly agrees with that, and she can even believe that because she knows Aliya and she would know if she had felt the same way towards Jordyn, yet there’s still something off and she’s sensed it for weeks._

_She turns her head to look back up at the ceiling and swallows hard._

_“I know you aren’t, but she’s in love with you.”_

_Aliya doesn’t reply this time because it’s true and she doesn’t want to accept that. The only source of comfort these last few months have been through Jordyn when Aly has been away, and she doesn’t want that to be taken from her, not now._

_“I feel like there are worlds between us right now.” Aliya whispers brokenly into the darkness and it breaks Aly’s heart because she knows she’s crying._

_“I can feel it too...but I love you Aliya, I’ll never stop, I can promise you that...”_

_ Aliya shakes her head visibly and lets out a sniff, _

_“My heart is slowly giving up everyday, Aly...”_

_”Don’t say that.”_

_Aly turns back to Aliya, this time she flips on her side so they can be face to face. “Please don’t say that.”_

_“It’s the truth.”_

_“What can I do?”_

_A small silence falls over them after Aly’s questions but Aliya whispers to her another question in response,_

_“Why did you leave me?”_

_The question hits hard and Aly knows exactly what Aliya means. She’s been gone so many weeks these days because of competitions, she’s been absent at the gym, she left._

_Before she can respond to her fiancée the other girl speaks again,_

_“My dreams have always had you in them. My accomplishments have always involved you…my dreams were captured based on feelings for you, but your dreams are something exclusive from me.”_

_“No, Aliya, that’s not what it is at all—“_

_“Then what is it?”_

_Aly for the first time doesn’t have an answer and she falls short. She falls short and tries to hang onto the last shred of this relationship._

_“I’m always leaving you and you’re never leaving me.” Aly breathes the words as the truth weighs her down in guilt._

 

—

_ So don't call me baby,  
unless you mean it _


	8. Maybe One Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your comments and kudos as always! Please don't hate me too much with this chapter :) xx

_ Maybe one day I won’t sing about you,  
I’ll sing a song about someone new _

—

 

_ They were fighting more, the days felt longer, and it didn’t really feel like they were engaged anymore, it really more felt like they were roommates just coexisting with one another.  _

_After the whole Jordyn ordeal the distance between them had only expanded and continued to expand._

_Aly felt it. Aliya felt it, yet neither of them knew how to address it._

_Somedays Aly felt bitter towards Aliya for not sticking up for their relationship more and other days Aliya was angry that gymnastics was coming first in Aly’s life._

_They didn’t even touch each other anymore, somedays a kiss felt so abnormal it terrified Aly, she realized she was losing her grip but she had no idea how to regain her footing. Their footing._

_While Aly threw herself back into gymnastics Aliya threw herself into planning the rest of their wedding, alone._

_It didn’t make sense to her, both of them wanted the same thing, or at least she believes they do, but everyday Aliya’s heart breaks a little more. She’s not sure if there’s anything left, honestly._

_It’s late at night around 12am when Aly finally makes it home. She should have been home hours ago but practice had ended early and in Aly had gone to the bar for a few drinks with some of the UCLA gymnasts. The very idea was so unlike her that she didn’t mention to anyone she had started really drinking a lot, let alone drinking after training but if no one really knew then no one would give her shit for it._

_The act, though, was becoming a pattern—leaving the gym, going out drinking, then usually stumbling home after hours because just going straight home where she was just going to fight with Aliya did not appeal to her right now._

_Her legs are numb from her post-training ice bath, and undoubtedly the alcohol thrumming through her system, but she musters the strength to climb the stairs to their bedroom instead of settling for the couch downstairs which had become somewhat of a habit for her nowadays._

_She slowly pushes open the door to the room, trying to make as little noise as possible because the last thing she wants is to have to look at Aliya’s hurt face when she asks her why she’s been out so late._

_It’s then that she sees her, under the covers, her small body soaked in the moonlight through the curtains. Gibson is curled up by her side and Aly’s never seen Aliya look this small. She stands in the doorway frozen in place, she feels as if she’s looking through a glass window into her life._

_The room is still dark despite the moon coming from the window but that doesn’t quite hide the pile of tissues next to Aliya’s pillow, some were halfway stuffed under the blankets and by her head, the tissue box was laying discarded at the end of the bed and the sight grasps Aly’s heart like a vice and tears it apart._

_Aliya was here every night, crying herself to sleep, waiting for her. Waiting._

_She inhales sharply before she moves to the bed to get in delicately like any sound will awake Aliya from her troubled sleep. She looks so fragile and broken in this moment, and it haunts Aly forever._

 

—

 

“How do Aly’s actions make you feel?”

“Hurt.”

“Okay…say more.”

“I can’t describe the pain I feel…I can’t even think about the…w-wedding without feeling a physical ache in my chest.”

Aliya’s therapist regards her with sympathy and understanding. The older woman sitting across from her is the one source of comfort that Aliya feels for an hour once a week. She doesn’t have to pretend in front of her, fake a smile or a laugh. Lindsay could see right through that.

“What did Jordyn make you feel during that time?”

“Safe.”

Her knee is shaking like she’s in an interrogation room and in all honesty adjusting to therapy had been a whole other bus that hit her but now she felt herself getting better and better every session.

“Your love for Aly is there—I want you to know I see it, but did you ever feel anything romantic for Jordyn after everything?”

Aliya doesn’t know an answer really, and she was just waiting for this question to come up. She swallows hard and tries to gather her thoughts without bursting into tears.

“Maybe for a second I did, but I feel more comfort and emotion from her than romantic. In all honesty though, I don’t know how I see her now.”

Lindsay nods thoughtfully and shifts in her seat. Aliya knows Lindsay doesn’t have the answers, but she has the tools to help her get to the answers. If only it were simpler.

“So where have you left it with Jordyn?”

Aliya stares at Lindsay because just a simple question like that has her thrown completely. The last time she saw Jordyn she was stalking her in the driveway of her house. The action itself wasn’t okay but the meaning behind it still had care.

“I…I don’t know.”

“Have you ever thought that maybe you need to figure that out before you can figure things out with Aly?”

 

—

 

_ “How does it look?” _

_Aly looks nervously to Gibson on the floor as she sets the last dish in the oven, brushing off her hands anxiously on a dish towel. The dog barks excitedly and causes her to let out a giggle before she checks the time anxiously._

_ Aliya should be home soon and after three hours of trial and error Aly believes she has cooked a decent meal—it didn’t have to be perfect just the sentiment Aliya would appreciate she thought.  _

_Ever since coming home late the other night Aly had put her foot down: no more drinking, no more coming home late, no more ignoring her relationship._

_Making sure that nothing is going to set off the fire alarm she wipes her hands on her apron and tries to make herself look semi-decent in the front hall mirror when she hears a car rolling up the drive._

_“I love you. I made dinner. I love you.”_

_She shakes her head at herself in the mirror and tries again,_

_“I made dinner…I love you!”_

_Oh my god, Raisman, pull it to fucking gether._

_“Aly? What are you doing home early?”_

_Aliya slips out of her raincoat and hangs up her umbrella in the front hall, the smell of cooked food hitting her nose as she slowly enters their large kitchen. She lets out a shocked laugh at the sight she’s greeted with; the counters a mess with everything under the sun, Gibson with a spot of flower on his nose and Aly looking cute as ever in her apron and oven mitts._

_“I wanted to make you dinner…”_

_The older girl leans in and plants a small kiss on Aliya’s lips when she’s close enough before her eyes just happen to glance out the window in the front hall and if she isn’t mistaken she sees Jordyn’s car pulling out of the drive._

_“What the hell?!”_

_“What, what is it?”_

_Aly throws her oven mitts aside on the counter and darts to the front door, pointing accusingly at the window then back at Aliya._

_“That’s Jordyn’s fucking car! What the hell were you doing with her?”_

_She turns on Aliya so quickly the other girl backs up in shock before she blinks and tries to compose herself enough from the initial outburst to answer her girlfriend._

_“Aly, I told you last night that I was going to see her, I asked if it was okay.”_

_Aly blinks in astonishment and wracks her brain for any set memory and just like the universe hates her a slow foggy memory of her in a drunken haze agreeing to Aliya’s request comes back to her._

_ “I was drunk, you knew I wouldn’t remember it!” _

_Aliya sighs and sinks into the couch with an exasperated breath, shaking her head. “There was no other way I could have asked you, you’re hardly sober when you’re home and I can’t reach you when you’re training.”_

_There was some truth to that—Mihai had a strict no cell phone policy even during her breaks she wasn’t allowed contact unless it was a major emergency but it still stings and the most horrible scenarios swim around her head._

_“So what, you’re having an affair with her now?”_

_“Aly! No! You know that’s not what—“_

_“Then what the fuck is it?”_

_Aliya bites her lip and contemplates how to respond without losing her own temper but her patience is wearing thin and the more accusing Aly gets the more her calmness waivers._

_“I needed to get closure. I needed to tell her I didn’t want to see her anymore. I love you, Aly. If she gets in the way then I don’t want that…I just want you.”_

_The response that comes from Aly shocks Aliya again and this time her anger breaks completely loose. Aly just scoffs and turns her back. She knows her response isn’t right, but she can’t help it. Images of Jordyn kissing Aliya are still engrained into her mind, her self consciousness and fears getting the best of her._

_Aliya stands up abruptly, her fists clenched at her sides, tears falling down her cheeks in angry streams. She feels helpless, angry, rejected and completely alone in this moment._

_“What the fuck is your problem?! I wait up every night for you even though I know you’re not going to come upstairs. I wait here, my whole damn life is turning into waiting!”_

_She takes a step towards her fiancé’s turned figure and dares her to turn around, to face the one person in this world that feels the casualties of her actions._

_“No one told you to.”_

_Aly whispers the phrase, her voice cold and cutting but she doesn’t know what else to do, she’s hit a brick wall of emotion and right now her relationship with Aliya is the most distant thing in her life._

_Aliya swallows hard and forces herself not to sob, not to let Aly have the satisfaction of getting the best of her but she can’t help but yell, her neck straining to scream._

_“I let her do it! I let her kiss me!”_

_Aly whirls around as if on cue and stalks towards her fiercely, her face just as red and enraged._

_“Take that back.”_

_"It's true!"_

_"You don't mean it! Y-You can't!"_

_Aliya meets her challenge and sets her jaw, inhaling sharply._

_“I let her do it because I’m alone, you’ve left me and I wanted to feel wanted! I haven’t felt wanted by you in ages!”_

_She wants to reach out and break something, smash something to a million pieces just to feel the adrenaline rush through her body. It’s killing her, absolutely murdering her._

_“Aliya, I don’t know what to do anymore—“_

_“I waited. I feel like I’m always waiting for you to make up your mind about me.”_

_Aliya deflates before she wipes angrily at her eyes, throwing up her arms in surrender. She turns on her heel and flees the tension. She hurries upstairs to cry because she can’t look Aly in the eye anymore and mentally let her tear her heart apart again._

 

—

 

The loud knocks violently yank her out of her half-sleep fog and force her body out of her warm bed. She groans in irritation and makes her way down the stairs, pulling on a hoodie once the cold air hits her skin.

“Hold on, hold on!”

She turns on the small light in the front hall before quickly opening the locks and swinging the door open,

“Look, whatever you’re selling—“

She stops mid-sentence and rubs at her sleepy eyes to make sure she’s not still sleeping because Aliya is standing in front of her, eyes red from crying and hair tousled in the cutest way.

“Aliya—“

Jordyn can’t get a full sentence out before Aliya’s body is flush against hers and pushing them back into the hall, the door shutting with a soft thud.

Her arms instantly go to hold onto the other girl’s slim waist and then those gorgeous, soft and delicate lips are on hers and then the whole world is fucking fireworks and sparklers.

She pulls back and tries to make sense of what’s happening as she frames Aliya’s cheeks in herhands. “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did she hurt you?”

With just a simple shake of her head Aliya presses their lips together once more and pushes them farther into the house, Jordyn almost trips over a few discarded shoes and books but regains her balance in time to shift them to the couch.

Aliya is all but pulled down into Jordyn’s arms as they continue their assault on each other’s lips but after moments of Jordyn literally being in heaven she feels a wet substance on her cheeks and it takes her a second to realize Aliya is _crying._

She pulls back instantly with a worried expression and reluctantly stops their actions. “Aliya? Aliya, what is it?”

The room is semi-dark, only the light from the front hall illuminates a small portion of the living room but she can see in the shadows that Aliya is indeed crying, she’s also quite panicky, her hands won’t stop shaking and her entire body appears to curl into itself.

“Did I hurt you? What’s wrong?”

Jordyn sets her hand lightly on Aliya’s shoulder so she doesn’t scare her but then out of nowhere Aliya’s broken voice floods her ears and she can’t help but feel a surge of pain in her chest.

“Y-You’re not her…you’re not her.”

Unsure of how to properly react Jordyn stands and awkwardly hands Aliya the blanket from the side of the couch. “I’ll go make us some tea.”

Without another word she makes a quick escape to the kitchen to start boiling the water, all the while her mind is going through world war III and the need to kiss Aliya again is very real, but also the need to find Aly and hurt her for whatever she did to Aliya is even more necessary but she halts all possibilities and just focuses on getting them two mugs.

They’ll start there.

Two mugs.

 

—

_ When it was good, it was bittersweet, honey,  
you made me sad ‘til I loved the shade of blue _


	9. Not Supposed To

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone is still out there reading this, I LOVE YOU! Real life got to be a lot, my partner and I split up and I moved across the country, it’s been a whirlwind! I won't keep you in suspense forever, I'll hopefully be wrapping up this story soon but not before we go through some more drama.

_ You could break my heart in two  
But when it heals, it beats for you _

—

 

Sunlight filters through the window and lands directly on Aliya’s face causing her eyes to snap open at the irritation. 

She instinctively raises a hand to block the offending light but pauses when her vision focuses and she realizes she’s not in her own bedroom. It’s foreign for a couple of minutes but then it dawns on her where she is and a pit starts to form heavily in her stomach.

In the flash of an eye Aliya snaps her head to the spot beside her and almost cries in relief when she sees it’s empty and untouched. Jordyn didn’t sleep there. With her.

She remembers talking long into the night. Crying, wanting to scream, sometimes laughing, but she remembers in the end she had gotten her answer.

She lets out a relieved breath before a voice by the doorway pulls her away and back into reality,

“I thought you’d be awake soon so I made some coffee…”

Jordyn’s stood in the doorway, wringing her hands together nervously. The tension is like a knife through the air.

Aliya sits up suddenly and even though she’s fully clothed she pulls the covers up to her chin like she’s almost been violated in some mental way. Her eyes dart to Jordyn’s with worry and it’s almost as if the other girl knows what she’s going to ask, and even when Aliya was completely sober through all of the past night it still feels like a blur.

“We didn’t do anything.”

There’s almost a twinge of disappointment in Jordyn’s voice but Aliya ignores it and quickly begins to gather her things, haphazardly throwing her shoes on in the process.

“I-I have to go.” She doesn’t wait for Jordyn to reply as she brushes past her and hurries down the stairs, her eyes focused on just getting to the door.

“Aliya, wait!”

She doesn’t turn back because if she does she might stay.

Guilt, shame, self-hated are all balled into one emotion and it weighs on her heavily as she gets outside and waits for her Uber to arrive.

Aliya has a vice grip on her seat as they drive along through LA traffic, a part of her hopes it will take forever to get home. She feels disgusting, like a traitor in her own right, but in a way maybe that’s what Aliya deserved.

But there was one thing that she knew for sure now, and in some sort of fucked up way she had to go to the extreme to figure it out. Aliya Mustafina was one hundred percent not in love with Jordyn Wieber.

 

—

 

_ They were a month away from the big day, every day that drew closer Aliya could feel her heart explode, although Aly’s distance had been somewhat hard for her she knew that once this was all done with they’d finally be okay.  _

_Everyone gets stressed out during wedding planning, that was something she just had to keep telling herself over and over._

_Although after a while of repeating things constantly in her head they had started to lose meaning._

_“Okay the florist says that they can bring all the samples over next week, does that work?”_

_She looks up at Lynn with a wide smile and nods her head, closing the planner in front of her. “Perfect, Maria arrives next week too so she can give me a second opinion.”_

_Lynn smiles and leans down to hug her before collecting her car keys. “I’ll see you two on Saturday for dinner?”_

_Aliya nods enthusiastically and stands to embrace the older woman tightly. “Love you,” Lynn says with meaning as Aliya squeezes her arm in return._

_She watches her pull out of their driveway with a wave before the buzz of her phone pulls her attention away from her soon-to-be mother-in-law and her face lights up at the person on the caller ID._

_“Simone, hi! Are you coming over with your dress today?”_

_There’s a short pause before Simone speaks with a somewhat surprised tone,_

_“Wait Aly told me I didn’t need to come today, did that change?”_

_Aliya frowns slightly and reopens her planner to check her timing, although her impeccable organization skills would say otherwise._

_“No, I still have you scheduled in for today.”_

_There’s another pause for Simone’s confused voice comes across again,_

_“But why would I need to come for a fitting if it’s postponed?”_

_Aliya blanches, her heart drops as she waits a beat then replies shakily,_

_“What do you mean?”_

_“Aly said you guys were postponing the wedding because it’s the same week as the Toronto Games.”_

_The world goes dark, her heart feels like it’s stopped beating, and the worst part she feels like she’s just been struck with a steel windpipe to the throat._

_She swallows and tries to form a response but the tears quickly coming to her eyes and the harder it gets to breathe she finds her sentences are slipping from her._

_It isn’t until Simone’s broken whisper on the other end brings her back,_

_“Oh my god, she didn’t tell you…?”_

_It wasn’t a question at all, it was more of a statement._

_“Simone, I’ve got to go.”_

_“Aliya wait—“_

_She ends the call and all about sends her phone like a missile into the wall. It shatters loudly but she can’t hear anything but the blood roaring in her ears and the fast beat of her heart._

_Her heart has been ripped from her chest with no mercy. The last time she had felt this much pain was when Aly had left her in Sochi._

_So she does as she did back then in that hotel room. She sits down and the hours pass by until the day is heading into night._

_The beating of her heart is the only thing she can hear._

_The sun begins to make its way down as she sits in the living room—she only moves when she hears Aly’s car in the driveway at long last._

_She moves with calmness up the stairs to their room, her hand just barely touching the railing before she all but rips her suitcases out of their walk-in closet and begins to toss her entire life into them._

_Nothing she wasn’t used to doing before._

_Some of the things aren’t even Aliya’s but she doesn’t care, at this point she just wants to leave with whatever she can so she never has to come back._

_The front door shuts and she doesn’t even need to hear the footsteps to practically feel Aly’s hesitance. She knew that Aliya knew already._

_With a deep breath she zips up her last suitcase and looks to the doorway._

 

—

 

_ “Aliya! Aliya, look at me and just stop, please…!” _

_Her head hurts and the image of Aliya standing there with her suitcases is enough to stop her heart._

_Her breathing is ragged and the tears falling freely from her cheeks are obscuring her vision to properly handle the articles of clothing she’s stuffing into her suitcase but she doesn’t have time to stop and take a breath._

_“You can’t leave, I won't let you!”_

_She screams at the top of her lungs, they ache with the pain but she won't stop. Aliya continues to the stairs and then everything just goes red for Aly._

 

—

 

It’s raining by the time she gets home, the clock on the car dashboard reads 7am but she know Aly will be up, especially if she didn’t come home last night. 

She releases a breath and musters up the courage to open the door, clutching her jacket in her hand anxiously.

The front door pushes open gently and she makes sure to close it with a soft click but just as she suspected the second she enters the main hall Aly shoots up from where was sleeping on the couch.

She rubs sleep from her eyes hurriedly and makes a move to run to Aliya but stops herself, seeing the broken expression on Aliya’s face.

“Oh my god Aliya, I-I was so worried, are you okay?! You didn’t answer your phone—I was going to call the police but…” she trails off, not really sure how to finish the sentence.

Aliya slowly hangs her jacket up on the rack in the foyer and steps down into the living room, her eyes look everywhere but Aly.

She never realized before—how big their house actually was. When they had been looking long ago and landed on this one she couldn’t describe it but to both of them it just felt…right.

“Aliya?”

She finally looks at Aly across from her. Her eyes settle onto the dark brown irises and she feels like crying but what use would that do?

The words fail to come out of her mouth when she opens it and Aly can see her struggling and it almost affirms where she thinks Aliya might’ve been.

“I kissed Jordyn.”

Surprisingly Aly’s face doesn’t falter and she doesn’t go into a blind rage and leave to kill Jordyn, at least not yet.

“And…?” Aly presses with a shake in her voice and Aliya is surprised she hasn’t started screaming, she’s surprised they’re still standing there.

“That’s it.”

Maybe this wouldn’t be her home for much longer.

Aliya closes her eyes and waits for the inevitable finale of their relationship. This was really it, the moment that they finally broke up for good.

After this uphill battle it was almost impossible to imagine that they could ever get back to where they were before.

Were they ever truly meant to even be together? Had they really gone through so much turmoil to have Aliya fuck it all up in the end?

But it never came. The final blow didn’t come.

Aliya feels strong arms wrap around her and she’s pulled into Aly’s chest in one breathless swoop.

She struggles against it at first before she melts into the touch that can only bring her back to earth.

“Aly—“

“It doesn’t matter.”

She rears back at that and stares into Aly’s eyes as if she were a complete stranger. “What?! The Aly I know would…would be jumping into her car to go murder Jordyn, she would be telling me to pack my things and—“

Aly shakes her head and cuts her off with a gentle kiss to her forehead. She lingers there and releases a soft breath against Aliya’s skin.

“Well, I am going to kill Jordyn yes but…you came back in the end.”

Aliya nods gently at that. Aly’s not wrong.

“I’ll always come back,” she breathes the tears finally making their way to the surface as they fall down her cheeks.

Maybe this was when their _actual_ healing could begin.

As they stood there, embracing each other for what felt like the first time in an eternity, Aly felt actual hope for them.

Jordyn didn’t necessarily complicate things further, instead maybe she had cleared them up.

Aliya came back to her.

 

—

 

_ “What can you possibly say to me?” _

_There was absolutely no way she could make her stay right now. Aliya had already made up her mind and Aly had pushed her to that decision._

_“Don’t leave, please, we can work this out…I love you, I love you so much I’m not going to let you walk out that door!”_

_“I have tried for months Aly, to try to get you to listen to me! I can’t do this anymore! I’m going insane!”_

_Aliya sets her jaw and turns to Aly once more, tears filling her eyes now._

_“Were you even going to tell me about Toronto?”_

 

—

 

“She’s calling again.”

Aly looks over Aliya’s shoulder, her grip on her waist tightening as she hides her face in her neck.

“Let her. Or let me speak to her.”

Aliya sighs and ignores the call, bringing up Jordyn’s contact info, her thumb hesitates over the block option.

“I know you want to get closure with her…but is it worth it?”

Aliya nods and lets her phone drop from her hand, turning in Aly’s arms and the other girl sees a worried frown on her face.

“What?”

It’s been a week since she went to Jordyn’s and since then she hadn’t spoken a word to her. She hadn’t looked her way when they had awkwardly run into each other at Whole Foods, and while she thought she’d feel worse she didn’t really feel anything.

“I don’t know why you’re so okay with me just kissing Jordyn, not coming home and staying at her place.”

A soft kiss drops onto Aliya’s nose and Aly tightens her loving hold around the other woman.

“I saw it in your eyes the morning you came home. I just knew you _knew_. You knew it was me in the end.”

“That doesn’t make you mad I had to figure it out this way? After all this shit we’ve been through?”

She has a point and Aly would be lying if she said she wasn’t at least a little angry at the way it was handled but after everything her anger wasn’t necessarily towards Aliya.

She had definitely caused her share of hurt in all of this mess, but it was so important that Aliya figure this out and Aly had tried to give her the space to do so. The not knowing was what had been killing her.

“I am a bit upset…but it’s more towards Jordyn than anything. She knows what she’s done.”

They could just call this good, call everything okay but that's not how Aliya sees it.

“I-I just can’t agree with the idea of you being _okay_ with this.”

“Do you want me to be mad?”

“In a way…yes. I don’t think all of our problems can be solved this easily.”

Aly huffs and pulls back to look down at the woman in her arms. Right now cradled in her arms was her entire world. She wasn’t going to let this world go, ever again. She had made the mistake far too often.

“Our problems aren’t solved, but one problem is no longer a problem.”

Aliya frames Aly’s face in her palms and leans in to kiss her, pouring her love and passion into it as much as she can. She needs Aly to know that she wasn’t just choosing Aly because that’s what was ‘right’ it was because she saw nothing but Aly.

“You’re it for me. I’ve told you this time and time again, Aly, there is no one else I want to be with or can be with, we were made for each other the minute we became apart of this earth.”

The words alone could make Aly cry but she holds it together and returns the kiss with just as much passion, rolling them over she pins Aliya under her.

The realization hits them both they hadn’t been actually _together_ since Aliya had left. As if they both know what the other is thinking they begin to strip hastily, the time suddenly catching up to them at how long it’s really been.

They make eye contact as Aly presses Aliya down into the mattress, they pause Aliya just taking the time to look into the other woman’s eyes.

“Aliya?”

The next words that come out of her mouth are soft but filled with so much genuine emotion it almost makes Aly cry.

“I didn’t feel like I really returned home when we left Russia…not until now. I feel like I’m finally home.”

 

—

 

_ She can’t hear Aly’s screaming as she swings open the door and pushes her way out, dragging her suitcases behind her.  _

_All she can hear is the shattering of her heart resounding in her ears like a glass bowl shattering to the ground._

_She all but throws her suitcases into the uber and climbs in, she reaches to close to the door but is stopped as Aly hangs onto the handle, tears cascading down her face like rivers._

_“Aliya, please, just talk to me!”_

_So she does just that._

_They stare each other down, both their grips on the door tightening, their knuckles turning a pale white._

_“Why did you choose gymnastics over us?”_

_“I—“_

_“I gave up my life for you, I left my home, my family, my friends to be with you!”_

_Aly can’t reply, she just simply can’t. Aliya shakes her head and pulls the door towards her, Aly relinquishes her grip with a hard swallow before Aliya repeats what she said when they were lying in bed, those weeks ago._

_“My dreams have always had you in them. My accomplishments have always involved you…my dreams were captured based on my feelings for you, but your dreams are something exclusive from me.”_

 

—

 

The sun is the first thing that wakes her up and she turns with a groan, her muscles sore and her body aching but in the best way.

She comes face to face with a sleeping Aly and the sight makes her heart swell. Her hair is strewn over the pillows and one of her arms is wrapped around Aliya’s waist as it always is when she sleeps.

Aliya lets herself stare for another few minutes before she untangles herself and quietly goes to the bathroom to shower.

As the hot water slides down her back and soothes her body she examines her bruised and marked skin with a small smirk. Aly was if anything consistent in the way she liked to mark up Aliya.

She runs her hands through her wet hair and lets her head fall back under the stream. She hears a soft rustle and then a set of arms wrap around her middle and she’s pulled against a comforting front.

“Morning…”

She turns in Aly’s arms and plants a gentle kiss on her lips the two of them ghosting their lips against each other, just taking the time to love each other again.

"Did you mean what you said?" Aliya looks up from where she's gently rubbing body wash over Aly's arm and gives her a confused look.

"When you said our relationship is like an uphill battle all the time? You mentioned it a while back, you feel like you're always running uphill." Aliya takes time to formulate her answer, her brows knit together in thought as she silently gestures for Aly to turn around so she can soap her shoulders.

"Yes. I felt for so long that I was always running uphill trying to catch up to you, but I never could. Why do you ask?"

Aly stops the other woman's motions and wraps her arm around her waist and draws her close so they're chest to chest. Aliya closes her eyes and listens to the steady stream of water and the slow beat of Aly's heart.

Aly speaks softly into her ear, it's so gentle and loving Aliya doesn't realize tears are in her eyes.

"I will always run uphill for you...for us. I will always fight for you because at the top of the hill I know you're there. I will never stop running if it means we find each other at the top."

They spend the rest of the morning all over each other, it’s like the first time they got together, they just can’t stop. Aly wants to relearn how to love Aliya in every way possible.

It takes Aliya forever to actually get ready for the day because every article of clothing she attempts to pull on is yanked away by Aly who just giggles like a child.

It’s a little past noon when they finally get it together to attempt a grocery store run. It’s the little things they do together that Aliya missed.

Something as mundane and boring as doing chores was what brought comfort to Aliya when she did them with Aly. The other woman could just make her smile no matter what they were doing.

Aliya’s practically hanging off her girlfriend as they make their way outside, she’s so busy planting kisses on Aly’s face and neck she doesn’t notice when Aly stops.

“What is it?” She mumbles into her neck and draws back the air instantly leaving her lungs like someone has just hit her with a metal rod.

Standing a few feet down their driveway, her car parked haphazardly on the side of the road, is Jordyn.

Her hair is in a messy bun, the bags under her eyes indicate she definitely has not slept a wink and she almost appears intoxicated.

Aly flexes a protective arm in front of Aliya and if she’s not mistaken the move is much more possessive than anything.

Aly sets her jaw and looks to the woman down the driveway with a threatening look

“What the fuck do you Wieber? This is our property.”

Without so much as missing a beat the other gymnast replies, her voice drips with hatred and anger, just the sound of it brings prickles to Aliya’s spine. 

“I want you to realize you’re not the one for Aliya.”

This makes Aly throw her head back in laughter and Aliya’s eyes widen at the dark look that crosses Jordyn’s face. Aly has to stop herself from rolling her eyes and from punching Jordyn out right now.

“She told me about kissing you, Jordyn. Aliya is more than capable of making her own decisions and in the end she decided to come home, she chose _me._ Why can't you just accept that and go the fuck away? Haven't you already made our lives miserable enough?”

Aliya steps forward slightly, still holding onto Aly’s arm as she swallows thickly and makes eye contact with the disheveled woman.

“Jordyn, just go home. I should have never come to your house like that…I should have never kissed you, and for that I'm sorry but I don't love you. Please, leave us alone.”

Jordyn scoffs and instead of returning to her car she just crosses her arms over her chest.

“I know you don’t mean that. You wouldn’t have just shown up to my house to prove something to yourself. Just give me a fucking chance!”

Aly pushes Aliya back slightly and takes a step forward, regarding her old friend with pity.

“Did you drive here drunk?”

Jordyn ignores the question and takes a step towards Aly returning the challenge,

“Did she tell you she came to my house the night she left you?”

Aliya’s heart drops into her stomach and she’s never wanted to commit murder until now. Aly stops next to her and the expression that crosses her face for a split second lets Jordyn know she had accomplished her mission.

“Aliya?” Aly turns and looks at her and the world suddenly stands still.

—

 _I wanna hold you when I'm not supposed to,_  
_When I'm lyin' close to someone else_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you for another update in a year! Kidding, kidding. I will try to make more of an effort to update this more frequently, I love you all so much for starting this journey with me two years ago, I promise I won't disappoint. xx


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